#ALSO also. this is more recent stuff so spoilers i guess. i expect the whole situation can only be resolved by killing laios

[knittinglizards]

i hope they can revive thistle when all is said and done

[puppetwoman17]

Billy in the Watchmen AU (spoilers for Watchmen Chapter 1)

For anyone who already knows who the Watchmen are and avidly read and generally consume the media, this is a post from a newbie, so don’t expect any nuance, lol. I’ve only watched the recent animated movie. Also be forewarned that this does mean the timeline is way more recent. This takes place in at least the 2010s, not the 80s like in canon.

If you don’t know who the Watchmen are, they are a group of “heroes” from an alternate dc universe where it’s the 80s and superheroes are outlawed. There’s also a group called the Minute Men who were there before them, who were all either taken out or had their lives wrecked.

The second Nite Owl got the permission of the first to dawn the name and costume. The second Silk Spectre is the daughter of the first. The Comedian was part of the Minute Men along with the first Nite Owl and Silk Spectre, and he is known to be part of the Watchmen. There’s also Rorschach, who’s like a darker version of Question. Dr. Manhattan is like if Martian Manhunter didn’t feel emotion and also cannot shape shift, but his power set is still extensive. Ozymandias is apparently a hero turned villain, and I already see that playing out a bit in the animated movie—

Holy shit he kills people. So many people. He has a warped sense of justice and he kills a whole bunch of people under the guise of an alien invasion just to unite the population. Yeah, now I get it. Anyway before he was a member, and after retiring he has this huge company called Veidt, where he sells toys and stuff.

Whole lotta other stuff to say about the Minute Men and Watchmen, but I’m sure you get the jist.

SO, with all that out of the way. TIME BUBBLE, people. Maybe it pops sometimes, maybe the bubble isn’t a bubble but it stops the aging process until it pops, idk. But Billy joins the Watchmen and goes through all the tough shit they go through, like Dr. Manhattan not understanding human emotion so he watches The Conedian kill a woman pregnant with his child.(I know, but I’m too lazy to explain every single detail lol).

He’s in the background while everyone starts hating their team and watches the Comedian wreck their whole image. Keep in mind that he’s not in his Cap form for his stint as a member because it’s way too flashy. He’s like their tech guy, but the tech is actually magic.

After the law against supers, Billy hightails it for Fawcett and leaves a note for the Watchmen who he actually like(everyone but the Comedian, fuck you Edward Blake). When Superman comes into the scene, he brings a new vision with him, and new and old heroes are able to come into the limelight. However, with three members working for the government (Manhattan, Comedian, and Silk Spectre 2), one on the run(Rorschach), one staying away,(Nite Owl 2), and one going into mass producing himself (Veidt)…Yeah, they think better of that.

A decade goes by and Billy’s(looking like) an eighteen year old living it up with his JL pals. Meanwhile, a retired army veteran, Edward Blake, has just been murdered. He doesn’t have the best thoughts on the US military, so he doesn’t pay much mind. That is until Amanda Waller kidnaps and takes him to a remote facility and decides to info dump that yes, she knows who he is, and yes, she knows he used to work with/for the Watchmen. Also, Edward Blake is the Comedian, surprise.

Yeah, Billy gets the hell out of there as soon as possible. Waller says she wants his help bringing in the members who aren’t on government watch, but he’s firm with his refusal, and she can’t just keep Captain Marvel locked up without facing the wrath of the Justice League and Squadron of Justice.

A couple days later, the JL are in Fawcett and planning to go to one of those magic infused restaurants with performances and everything, but Billy has to make a pit stop at his apartment. They’re cool with it and go with him, and guess who’s sitting in the dining room inhaling canned beans?

Iiiiits Rorschach!

Billy is FREAKING out because the Watchmen can’t be seen together! He rushes the JL out as quick as possible and says he’s “so sorry, but something’s come up, I can’t go. Just tell the front desk fawn that I sent you and she’ll know.”

Naturally, Diana is the first to say that she is not leaving him alone with someone who BROKE INTO HIS HOME. Billy waves her off and says that “it’s totally cool! This happens all the time in Fawcett!” before slamming the door closed.

Billy: what the hell were you thinking?

Rorschach: Im here for good reason, B.

Billy: Save it, I know about the Comedian and Blake.

Rorschach: You don’t think this is a one and done thing, do you? Someone’s clearly gunning for masks, and for some reason, they started with one of us! Why not those new flashy heroes you hang with? Superman? Batman? Wonder Woman? Why one of us?

Billy: In case you forgot, we operated during the Cold War. We made enemies. And even without that, Blake was a military man who enjoyed making people suffer. If he had no enemies, I call bullshit!

Rorschach: I’m still determined to make sure this doesn’t happen to the rest of us. I’m going to everyone’s homes, and—

Billy: Okay, now you’ve blocked me. No one is going to listen. Daniel(Nite Owl) has moved on. Laurel hates the guy and Jon(Dr. Manhattan) does whatever Laurel(Silk Spectre) wants. Adrian(Ozymandius) is perfectly happy with his company. And I swear, if you bring any of the Minute Men into this…

Rorschach: I have to try. Even if they don’t believe me, I have to get it into their heads somehow. The Minute Men went through the exact same thing.

Billy: no offense, but your wording does not get across to people as “caring.” You’ll just as soon make them throw you out.

Rorschach: Agreed. So, I’ll need to bring along someone who’s better at that than I am.

Billy:

Rorschach:

Billy: Damn it.

Cue the cancel out duo of Billy and Rorschach going to the home of the former second Nite Owl and freaking him the hell out. Daniel and Billy reminisce about the old days while Rorschach gets across his point. Daniel naturally thinks it’s a flimsy take, and Billy says he gets it, but being a little more careful never hurt anyone, right?

They also talk about Blake. Dan says he’s thinking of going to the funeral, but he also has mixed feelings. Billy says he isn’t going. After what happened with Sally Jupiter(the first Silk Spectre, and Laurel’s mom), he can’t look at any pictures of him the same way.

They leave, next going to Veidt Inc.

Predictably, it does the same way. Except this time, Billy is able to glean that something is off about Adrian. He can’t put his finger on it, but he tells Rorschach to leave as soon as possible.

Laurel and Jon are a little less angry(they have good reason tho) because billy is there. Laurel’s so happy to see him! Jon on the other hand doesn’t know what to do.

They used to be close. Billy was used to speaking to higher beings who didn’t understand the concept of human morality and the like. Jon’s a little different, because gods are able to feel, but it’s as close as it can get. Billy stood up for him on multiple occasions, except when Jon cheated on his gf with Laurel, that got him a two month no-talking period until it didn’t seem right to do so and he got to know Laurel.

Then the island stuff happened. The Comedian may be an asshole, but he doesn’t lie. Jon just stood there while that woman bled out. Billy just…couldn’t look at him the same anymore.

Unlike in the movie, where Rorschach says something stupid and Laurel tells Jon to make him leave, Billy stops Rorschach from making that idiotic mistake and says that they don’t have to hide themselves or actively look for danger. It’s just important that they generally keep themselves safe by any means that they want to. They readily agree because wow, boundaries!

Meanwhile, Bruce and his gaggle of detectives found out who that weird guy sitting at Billy’s dining table is. A member of a team that hasn’t been talked about in decades. Of course, there are no articles or pictures involving the Watchmen interacting with a kid with magic. So, they naturally want answers from HIM. Billy is tight-lipped when they see him, and is somewhere else in his free time(with Rorschach).

Unfortunately, that’s when shit really takes a turn. A former villain that Rorschach and Billy spoke to tells them that the Comedian, without a mask, was in his bedroom weeks before he died! Spouting nonsense about Dr. Manhattan, an island, a list, people who were apparently worse than him, so much worse that he started begging to be forgiven.

Dr. Manhattan goes on live television for the first time in decades. This is the first time the JL has ever seen him. Billy’s watching it carefully with Rorschach and just about has a heart attack when some reporter gets up and tells him that several people who he used to know have contracted forms of cancer. At least a dozen. There’s a list.

A list. Oh shit!

Jon cries out in anger and disappears, rushing who knows where(Mars).

Meanwhile, Adrian kills someone. At least, it looks like he did. The other guy attacked him and his assistant, and was biting his tongue to keep from saying anything. Adrian puts his hand in his mouth to stop him, but he’s too late. He’s been framed for murder.

With all of this happening, Rorschach gets a message from Moloch saying that they need to talk. Cool, have fun. Billy’s at the Watchtower and he’s swiftly avoiding the topic of that weird guy in his apartment.

Two seconds later, Rorschach is on the news. He’s been caught. His mask is off. Billy is screaming internally.

That is the exact moment when he turns to the JL.

“…I need your help breaking someone out of prison. And presumably stopping a mass killing. And that mass killing kind if sort of includes me.”

Yeah, they’re gonna need more info. Like hold up, you were in a team before us😠?

Anyway that’s where the brain rot ends until the second movie. Jeez this was a lot.

[taylorman2274]

Reverse Isekai Genshin Shenanigans

Characters: Gorou, Diona, Fischl & Oz

---------------------------------------------------------

Gorou and your pet dog have been getting along recently. I wonder why...?

Content Warning: Gorou Hangout Spoilers

Notes: [D/N] = Dog Name; Gorou can read English presumed.

Gorou was spending the day sitting on the couch and reading a book when your pet dog walks up to him. He barks at him to get his attention.

"Ah, [D/N], I haven't seen you in a while. Would you like to come join me?" He asks, patting the open seat beside him.

[D/N] instead woofs at him.

"Hm? What's that?"

[D/N] woofs a little louder.

"You're hungry? Have you had anything to eat today?"

[D/N] whines softly.

"Well that won't do! I'll go ahead and fill up your food bowl and then I'm going to have a talk with [Y/N] about taking proper care of you."

Gorou gently sets the book down to the side and starts to get up when a loud voice halts his movements.

"Do NOT listen to ANYTHING that LIAR is telling you! I'll let you know that I fed them nearly an hour ago!"

You walked through the doorway and approached [D/N] with a leash in hand.

"Also... Guess who's got an appointment with the vet today~?" You ask with a sickingly sweet smile on your face.

[D/N] barks as loud as he can right to your face and growls lowly afterwards. You look to Gorou and can't help but let out a small chuckle at the mixture of shock and horror on his face.

"What's the matter?" You ask with a smirk. "Did they cuss me out or something?"

"...I never knew such profanity existed..." Gorou shuddered.

---------------------------------------------------------

Your best friend gives Diona a bad good idea on how to destroy the alcohol industry.

Content Warning: Diona Lore Spoilers

Notes: [F/N] = Friend Name

You, Diona, and your best friend, [F/N], were currently all sitting at your kitchen table taste testing Diona's latest non-alcoholic concoction. More specifically, only [F/N] was doing the drinking. Diona only wanted to make the drinks and there was no way in hell you were gonna drink anything she makes with the stuff that is put in them, even if you know how good it will taste.

Currently, [F/N] was happily gulping down Diona's latest creation, which only seemed to anger Diona.

"*glug* ... *glug* ... Ah~. This has got to be one of the best drinks I have ever had in my life!" [F/N] proclaims as they slam their empty cup on the table. "What did you say was in this drink, Diona?"

"Grrr... I put a few pieces of cat hair, a whole lemon, a pinecone, and a cockroach I found hiding under the kitchen counter in a blender and then poured all of that into a glass of water." Her hair started to bristle. "Why is it that no matter what disgusting things I put in a drink it's STILL bound to taste delicious?"

You cringed as she listed each ingredient to [F/N] and you expected them to do the same. However, they surprisingly looked deep in thought.

"Hold on... You're saying that ANYTHING you put in the drink is not going to change how good it tastes?"

"YES! Isn't that obvious to y-?"

"So you could put something deadly like poison into the drink and it would be the best tasting death drink you could ever have?" [F/N] interrupted.

"But of course. Even something like poi-" Diona paused. Her ear twitched. Slowly but surely, you could see an evil smile come across her face.

"Did you have to mention that to her?" You sighed.

"Hey, no need to get mad at me. I'm simply supporting her cause." [F/N] smiled with a thumbs up and a wink.

---------------------------------------------------------

It seems that Fischl has another side to her that you were previously unaware of.

Content Warnings: Out of Character Fischl, Swearing

Notes: [F/N] = Friend Name

"I'm back! Sorry for being away so long." You called out as you entered your apartment. Surprisingly, there was no response given back. It was quiet.

...Too quiet.

When you first left, you knew that there were two people and a talking raven occupying your apartment. One of which was your best friend, [F/N], who you had told to watch over the others, Fischl and Oz, while you were away. You had also told them to not let them leave the apartment for now, as you could not explain to any strangers why a strange looking girl had a talking raven with her.

You explored your apartment for any signs of life and eventually, you found Fischl and Oz in your bedroom standing next to the closet door. However, you had visited every other room in your apartment and were unable to find [F/N].

"Hey Fischl, do you know where [F/N] is? I couldn't find them anywhere."

Fischl and Oz turned around to look at you.

"Hmph! That mere pitiful human wished to make an enemy out of the Prinzessin. However, my Auge der Verurteilung foresaw their attempt to divert the course of destiny. Thus, I commanded Oz to rid them and their sins from my sight and doom them to waste away in the eternal night."

You raised an eyebrow. "You what?"

Oz decided to speak up next. "I'm afraid Mein Fräulein was challenged by [F/N] to a card game. During the game, Fräulein claimed [F/N] was cheating and thus decided to lock them in your closet.”

Your head whipped toward Fischl. "YOU WHAT?!"

"THEY UNO'ED OUT ON AN ARCHON DAMN WILDCARD! THAT'S WHAT THAT FUCKER GETS!!"

You and Oz had your mouth and beak, respectively, agape by Fischl's outburst. After a couple of seconds, Fischl noticed your shocked expressions and recomposed herself.

"Ahem... Apologies. Mein behavior was very uncouth of a Prinzessin."

You heard banging from inside the closet.

"[Y/N]?! Get me out of here! That witch is crazy!!"

You quickly threw yourself between the closet door and Fischl and prayed for a resolution between the two.

---------------------------------------------------------

Diona discovers the history behind the 18th Amendment of the U.S. Constitution.

Content Warning: American History

Notes: Reader is presumed to be from the United States. Diona is also presumed to be able to read English.

You and Diona were at your computer looking up American history. Diona was curious about the would and country you lived in so you decided to try your best to teach her all of the important historical events that you remember learning in school.

However, you made sure to hide all mentions of Genshin Impact on your computer before letting Diona come watch. You didn't want her to have an existential crisis.

The two of you were currently scrolling through the list of amendments in the U.S. constitution and Diona suddenly told you to stop.

"Wait stop! See that one! What does that say?" She asked, slowly inching forward to the screen.

"Ummmm... 'The Eighteenth Amendment is also known as the Prohibition Law. This prohibited the manufacture, sale, or transportation of 'intoxicating liquors.' This essentially meant a ban on alcohol bu-'"

Diona pushed you away from the computer and looked at the screen with sparkles in her eyes.

"WHAT?! NO WAY! THAT'S AWESOME! Looks like Mondstadt could learn a thing or two from your country. Hehehe." She snickered.

You carefully moved your way back in front of the computer. "Maybe. It's unfortunate that it didn't last very long."

Diona looked at you with a serious expression. "...What?"

"You didn't let me finish. 'This essentially meant a ban on alcohol BUT this would lead to the Prohibition Era of bootleg alcohol sales and consumption. The unpopular and ineffective amendment was then repealed by the 21st Amendment.' Essentially, it only lasted 14 years."

Diona was stuttering in shock. "H-huh? W-what? 14 YEARS?? Could everyone not see that they were living in PARADISE?!! UGH!" She crossed her arms. "Those drunkards would do anything to get their hands on alcohol. Who's the idiot that repealed that wonderful amendment in the first place??"

You quickly opened a new tab and searched for the answer. "Umm... Franklin D. Roosevelt was President at the time. But it's really Congress who handles the proposals and ratifying amendments."

Diona threw her hands up. "I don't CARE who handles it. That man should not have let such a thing get past him." Diona pauses for a bit, almost like she was thinking about something. "Unless..." She gasps. "Was he a drunkard himself?!"

You opened another tab. "Ummmm... Kind of?"

"GRRR…! OF COURSE HE WAS! Otherwise he wouldn't let such a thing happen! Looks like this country needs someone responsible to man the helm! Move aside!"

You decided to play along with her for now. You weren't worried about her finding anything inappropriate as long as you were watching over her shoulder.

At first, she searched up innocent things such as "How to run for President", "Can someone of Kätzlein bloodline run for President", and "How to become a U.S. citizen".

It was only when she decided to search for "How to mind control an entire country" that you decided to get her off the computer.

---------------------------------------------------------

Author Side Notes: These are just some short stories I thought of in my head. Please don’t take them too seriously.

[dollsome-does-tumblr]

saw speak no evil last night, which i really enjoyed! it proved to be my very favorite kind of stressful movie, i.e. a slowburn thriller where people go to a beautiful and remote location and then Things Go So Wrong! it reminded me a lot of other faves ex machina, men, 10 cloverfield lane, the menu, ready or not, the recent blink twice, etc.

just some thoughts about this movie (spoilers!)--

+ i really enjoyed all the gender role stuff going on in this one a whole bunch. this is, of course, a classic gothic romp in my eyes. therefore, watching the dad -- down on his luck, feeling emasculated by his female family and by life not favoring him as much as it was supposed to! -- get seduced by the alpha male andrew tate-y bs embodied by james mcavoy's character, like the dad was but a shrinking naive gothic heroine missing or even lusting after all the red flags, was SUCH a fun subversion to me. yes! yes!!!

+ every time that mackenzie davis's character tried to establish boundaries and they got run over and then she let it slide to be palatable, i viscerally FELT THAT. there was, of course, a big element of 'privileged people wanting to appear woke so they keep being boundlessly pityingly nice to the poor people', but even deeper than that, i think this was a great portrayal of how women in particular are expected to constantly accommodate and ignore their intuition. the bit with making her eat the goose. D: and it got worse!

+ i also really liked how in the big showdown, the mom and the kids were the ones who actually took out the enemies, and the dad was the only one without a 'kill' to his name. (though he did sacrifice himself by jumping off the roof, mirroring Accomplice Wife's self-sacrificial death!)

+ gosh, the dark implications re: Accomplice Wife's character were so harrowing - the victim becoming the abuser - and the fact that the little girl was being primed to follow in her footsteps ..... D:

+ i enjoyed that the kids were the ones who had the sort of Big Finding Bluebeard's Closet Of Dead Wives Reveal. (my bf pointed out that this is a bluebeard story, and it so is! my favorite!) that sort of ASOUE-y feeling of kids having to make it on their own because adults aren't a guaranteed source of safety. MAN, poor ant. :'( that kid had a HORRIBLE time. i really admire his persistence in keeping on fighting and trying to communicate.

+ i saw someone in the reddit discussion thread say that couple vs. couple is an underrated trope, and i agree! would love to see more of that in cinema.

+ love how the title operates both on the level of "this kid can speak no evil about what we do because we cut his tongue out" AND "don't ever say anything mean to people or you might hurt their feelings and what could possibly be worse than that (oh, this, i guess) 😬"

+ can't believe they did nick miller's favorite song cotton eyed joe so dirty like that. :( that scene honestly brought tears to my eyes from pure misery. the fact that some parents really do treat their kids like that ...................... (even if that wound up not being totally the situation in this particular movie). disgusting and heartbreaking.

+ the most a+ "eternal flame" use since gilmore girls.

+ after i watched the movie i read up on what the original film was like, and may i just say: that would have broken me psychologically in the movie theatre. thank god i didn't have to see that. THANK GOD! sometimes american optimism really works for me, honestly. if it's a gothic, then in the gothic, they've always got to make it out at the end!!! bruised and bloodied and haunted but still standing! so i'm really glad they did!

+ it honestly never occurred to me that people would thirst over james mcavoy in this movie, because he's so gross and horrible, but it takes all sorts to make a world, it turns out. the internet teaches me that every day!

+ anyway, i had a great time watching this! would definitely watch again! but gosh, was it a special kind of fun and stressful to watch it unfold the first time.

[electronickingdomfox]

"Vulcan's Glory" review

Hey look! It's SNW's Spock... in the 80's!

Novel from 1989, by Dorothy C. Fontana. This author is better known as the writer of several TOS episodes, like "Journey to Babel", and as the producer for TAS. Given these credentials, I expected more from this novel. But it turned out to be one of the worst I've recently read.

The plot (or rather, the several mini-plots) were pretty dull, and the slow pace isn't helping. The writing style is so meandering and flowery, that it takes forever to move from point A to point B. (Some spoilers ahead): Set in the Pike era, shortly after Spock arrives at the Enterprise, the main story concerns a legendary emerald revered in Vulcan, the titular "Vulcan's Glory". The gem is easily found in the first chapters, after being presumed lost for a long time. But soon thereafter, an assassin kills a couple of scientists aboard the Enterprise, using a Vulcan killing technique (rehashed plot from "Journey to Babel") and steals the emerald. The murder mystery lacks any tension, and I found the identity and motives of the culprit really contrived (also, it presents a backstory that completely messes up Spock's unique identity as a Vulcan-human hybrid). Apart from this, Pike has his own adventure in the planet of Arete, which has no connection at all with the murder mystery. The civilization of Arete is yet another generic ancient society, divided into townspeople, nomads and outcasts (mutants, in this case). After a nuclear holocaust, they somehow have forgotten any previous technology, and Pike's mission is to check whether communication and trading between the different groups proceeds smoothly. This mission is quickly forgotten in favor of a story about two teenagers in love, who have run from home and now need to be rescued. Again, I found the whole thing pretty boring and predictable. Finally, the novel shoehorns Scotty into Pike's Enterprise, but his only role is brewing moonshine in the engine room, with no concern for sanitary measures (or the proper use of the engines, by the way). Apparently, you can distill liquor the same way you brew tea, as people is already consuming the thing a few hours after the distillery is set up... This subplot was so unnecessary, that I guess it was just included to increase the page count.

Now the characters... I gotta admit, I'm not a fan of the Pike era. But I wasn't particularly interested in Robert April (the previous captain) either, and yet Diane Carey's Final Frontier made me love the characters. This time, however, I can't say I care more for this crew after reading the book. Pike and Dr. Boyce seem like mere sketches for Kirk and McCoy. This may have been understandable in the pilot episode, but here I hoped they'd get a bit more of a personality of their own. In fact, I'd say that Pike was much more his own character in "The Cage". Number One gets a bit more development, but in general, she's simply a cold, perfect woman, created through genetic engineering (you know, the same kind of eugenicist stuff that Khan gets criticized for). And then there's young Spock... His personality in the first chapters is alright. But then the story makes him develop a pulpy romance with a Vulcan woman from the crew, and I simply can't buy the whole thing. Regardless of whether you believe that Spock ever loved T'Pring or not, he was committed enough to his betrothal in "Amok Time" to divert the ship and honor his engagement. He didn't just take the first person available to get him out of pon farr. Less than a marriage but more than a betrothal, indeed. Yet here, he's ready to ditch T'Pring for the first woman that makes a pass at him. Certainly, Spock describes the affair as "true love", and "the only woman he will ever love" yadda, yadda... But let's be honest, they just had a couple of quickies, nothing more. Add to this Spock's unrestrained and vengeful behavior in the last chapters, shouting things like "You bastard!" at the villain (no, for real), and I was left wondering who was this guy.

Last but not least, this novel has a certain, annoying sexism going on, and this is almost the 90's not the 60's. All women get cliche descriptions upon being introduced, which focus on their physical attributes and little more. T'Pring is villanized as a dirty cheater (yet Spock's no better, as seen before). Amanda is particularly submissive towards Sarek (compare with Diane Duane's far better portrayal in Spock's World). Pike and Number One are starting a romantic relationship at the end, because God forbids a female first officer is just doing her job. It seems that Vulcan males can break their engagement at any point (but Vulcan women would still need to invoke the kal-if-fee, with all that entails). And then there's the story of a Vulcan woman who, after being raped by a man, was seen as a disgrace and shame for her family, and banished from the planet! (this in the "most logical" culture of the Federation). But don't you worry, the narrative still manages to villanize this woman as well... Sigh.

Spirk Meter: 0/10. First, Kirk isn't even there. Second, Spock is super-ultra-heterosexual. Third, D. C. Fontana disliked K/S to begin with, to nobody's surprise.

[stellaferous]

SPOILERS FOR THE RECENT GLADION & MAGEARNA EVENT !!!

some of my fav scenes from the story ��

all in all i really liked this event !! i'm happy that whenever DeNA writes stories with Gladion at the forefront, they end up being more fleshed out instead of the typical "shallow friendship" stories they usually make, i suppose this says a lot about gladion's character as a whole 👏

random dump on some scenes in the event:

i love when he said get lost to colress LOL i know it's part of his character to be blunt but i didn't expect that to be his response 💀

so did lear not host a party at all and lusamine just asked to borrow his manor as part of her plan??? either way she's clearly rich enough to make such a demand 💀💀

i know a lot of us were shocked to see gladion pair up with magearna of all mons, but it honestly makes PERFECT sense 😭 it's an artificial pokemon who loves to be researched upon and gladion fears it will end up being alone because of this, THIS EXACTLY PARALLELS SILVALLY 😭😭😭 his sense of justice and moral compass is so strong like this fits his character perfectly he just doesn't want magearna to suffer a similar fate

cool to see that his "sygna suit" was really just a fancy outfit he had to wear for the event and was not modelled specifically after magearna, but i guess we can headcanon that lusamine tailored that suit for him as part of her plan lol

also i honestly loved to see that gladion is capable of being formal when he has to LOL i know a lot of people object the idea of him becoming aether president but i personally dig the idea, regardless what people think happened between him and lusamine i feel like taking a job where he gets to care for pokemon and research them ethically (in a way he thinks is right) is a perfect fit for his character

^ to add a bit to this, i also like when he can just act like a rich kid with manners when he needs to, but the second someone acts against his morals he just goes back to being stubborn and brash 😭 all this fits my headcanon that sometimes he helps out his mom with aether foundation work by travelling to different regions to care for pokemon/assist pokemon professors, etc + my headcanon of him being able to speak more "proper" when needed IS NO LONGER JUST A HEADCANON 🎉🎉🎉

i LOVE when he has nice interactions with his family, especially his mom 😭 definitely a hot take but i'm perfectly fine with lusamine repairing her bond with her kids, the SM USUM timeline stuff is a bit messy but in my opinion i prefer when after she recovers from the neurotoxins shenanigans she earnestly works to fix her relationship with her kids, because i personally believe that even in SM she was supposed to be redeemable--not because "she deserves it", but because her being redeemed could strengthen the story's message about navigating a tragic family and fall from grace, ofc this depends on your interpretation on these events in the first place but i always felt like a happier ending was better suited for the aether family (i made another post abt this a while back lol... might rewrite it again)

also gladion calls her mom while lillie is more formal and says mother right??

to sum it up i love this story because everything abt gladion is true to character + his motivations for wanting to care for magearna are perfect + i love the little things they added to his character esp for confirming my headcanon + more interactions with his family + not like DeNA's typical "friendship" stories + IT FINALLY GIVES GLADION THE SCREENTIME IT DESERVES EVEN IF THIS EVENT FEELS A BIT SHORTER THAN OTHERS 😭😭😭🎉🎉🎉💗💗💗

[mikailys]

F: Am I disturbing you, by any chance?

i see this goddamn man and i lose it istg i want to punch him so bad.

i was trying to catch up with hsl on my other acc where i'm following nath's route and i saw the devil. i just hoped to never see him again in-game and yet here we are.

and oh my. wasn't i lucky enough to meet him again not once, but twice in the same episode, in the span of 5 minutes.

i'll just do a rant about this part of the episode because it's unbelivable that this is the only part i got covered before my ap brutally finished i only wanted the illus :(

also sorry if i'm being inaccurate in certain parts but i got back into the game recently and probably forgot some background info/context.

F: Nathaniel has always wanted to study Engineering at University.

N: *not very amused by it – comprehensibly*

i had no idea that during hsl ep40 he would attend the graduation ceremony – or maybe he did and nvm i don't remember it i mean it's been 5 years since i've last played it – and he had the guts to still impose himself and talk about nath like that. after everything that happened and with all the parents, kids and professors around?

god. like haven't you learned anything, have you, dumb fuck?

N: I have to stop by my parents' house because I need to take some stuff. But seeing how the wind is blowing, I don't really want to go there alone.

another thing i wouldn't have imagined is that we would actually go back to this old house. i can only predict where this is heading.

N: This house holds only bad memories.

C: Don't worry. I'm with you.

N: Yeah, thanks God. *cutely smiles*

bambolottino che sei ti abbraccio patatino cucciolino :(

and then we enter into his house and meet – again, unfortunately – that amazing person his dad is, who is never, ever satisfied and he can kindly go fuck off for as far as i'm concerned.

F: What was that foolish act you delight us with during the ceremony? (...) You understood very well. I'm talking about your speech. We have come to expect the best from you.

C: (Nathaniel takes a deep breath, to handle his increasing anger)

F: I wonder if you have anything left of what we taught you to make such a scene.

N: Dad, you really want to talk about what you taught me?

exactly f-word, do we wanna talk about what you and your lovely wife taught him? to always achieve perfection? to be scared to walk through the front door and spend the evening at the dining table with his family? cause, believe me, i wouldn't be so proud.

i guess we have different ideas about these so-called "teachings" you two gave him then.

anyway we leave with nath and then the most incredible thing happens. our soon-to-be father-in-law – omg bless candy's soul – calls us thieves. lol.

it's pure comedy at this point.

F: Don't play the innocent. I caught you in the act, you're peeking around. It's a hobby, right? For you to just stick your nose where you shouldn't.

well first i'm pissed you're thinking i'm a thief and second, i'm even more pissed because you're kinda right, snooping in people's business is actually candy's job so can't really argue on that.

C: I wonder what could I even stole in this house.

F: I don't know. You tell me. *damn chill bro*

C: Maybe your house is very big, but it lacks of the most important things.

anyway it's so funny that in italian - the language i'm playing the game in - he just keeps using the formal pronouns and i say it's funny because it seems like that behind his serious tone he's constantly trying to mock us in a kinda patronizing way.

but we're the bigger person and, even if i'm seething we can't be too unpolite to him, so we just tell him that his house sucks because there's no love within its walls.

politest person ever.

but spoiler he doesn't take it very well.

anyway to sum it up, he just says candy is responsible for nath's sudden change and for making himself look ridiculous in front of the whole school.

obviously we don't support any nathaniel's slander, for now, and we are ready to take over this insane situation by praising our bf who was right down the hallway, listening to this all madness.

N: None of this will make me look better in my father's eyes.

damn. that kinda hit close to my home too

after this argument we leave since we're good to go. but on the doorstep we're blocked by the best of wives and best of women (derogatory) who, unexpectedly, wants us to stop by and celebrate the graduation with the family – oh my.

okay i'm not gonna lie but for a millisecond i felt bad for adelaide. only a millisecond 'cause then i quickly regained consciousness.

i appreciate she's understanding the situation and that she still cares about her son wellbeing – in some twisted way – but i cannot excuse she was an accomplice to her husband's mistreating and beating and the fact she wouldn't report any of it if it wasn't for candy it's gutwrenching.

regardless, nath doesn't want to spend another minute in that house – understandably. when they're about to leave, adelaide takes candy by her arm and tells her to please keep an eye on his son and we, taken by an unusual kindness, accept, encouraging her to pay him a visit.

how sweet candy is.

just like a candy i'm so sorry but it was served on a silver plate

and after that we're done. nath takes us back to our home and asks us if the day after we want to go to his place, since we have never been there before – which it takes me by surprise cause i can't believe you two have been together for almost 14 episodes and you have never found a moment to go to his house before.

candy tells him that first she has to ask to his parents – but we already know she will go cause they have to do the deed – and that's all cause i finished my ap right after this dialogue :|

this ep with the new – not very new now but for me it still is – ap mechanic is exhausting. 550 ap just to fight with nath's parents really did the thing and i still couldn't finish the ep.

to think i still have to continue university life and start love life haha...

anyway to conclude: fuck nath's parents 🖕🏻

[threewaysdivided]

I just wanted to say: I love your art and especially your banner rn by talos! also your fic as well thank you for creating everything that you do for people, it’s awesome!

Second: what’s something that you’ve been chewing on lately, story wise? What character conflict, or plot point can you tell me about (that doesn’t spoil too much of course)? I wanna hear your thoughts about the characters you write and your head-cannons on them too! Just spit some word vomit at me!

Thank you! 

My current banner art is actually a crop of the first paired piece I ever did to go with my Deathly Weapons fic.  (Specifically Chapter 11, which I still have a soft spot for since it’s one of earliest chapters that really let me lean into scratching the thing-I-haven’t-seen-too-often-in-fanfic itch.) 

I recently got my hands on a discounted Wacom (my digital art process got tanked a few years ago when my poor art-compatible hybrid tablet-laptop was tragically taken from us by a cracked motherboard) so I’m looking forward to getting into a faster art workflow again and maybe putting some new pieces out more easily.  I’d like to do more comic art pieces for the Chapter 18 mission, and there’s a silly little concept drawing for the planned Mission 5 that might be new-blog-banner material if it turns out nicely.  We’ll have to see how that goes.

As for what I’ve been chewing on story-wise lately… I’ve sort of been all over the place.  I’m still on burnout recovery so I’ve been letting myself move non-sequentially, working on the bits my brain feels like focussing on rather than trying to force creativity where the juice isn’t flowing.   (One of the things about being my type of writing-nerd is that “self-indulgent” for me means a story with plenty of material to analyse, which is very fun as a reader but has created a lot of work for myself as the writer.  As mentioned in another post, I have a full-blown TV-show-style story-bible for this one.)

Recently, my authorial ping-pong-ing has been going into a fair bit of spoiler territory.  There are some chunks of the Act III endgame plan which are underdeveloped in the specifics of what the big-boss bad-guys’ plan is, whether I want to involve the Anti-Ecto Acts more, and the logistics of both the counter-strategy our heroes are planning to use and how to make its more action-heavy parts look cool in writing.  When I’m not doing that I’ve been focussing a lot on the upcoming Wally-centric chapters, which are a set I’ve been wanting to keep schtum about since there’s a small potential spoiler mixed in and I don’t want to risk giving the game up or pre-setting people’s expectations before they have a chance to blind read (even if a few people have already made some close guesses in the comments).  It puts me in a bit of an odd-spot right now because the chapters I’m drafting are an immediate spoiler, the later sections I’m working on are a major spoiler and there’s a good chance that a lot of the character stuff going on in the middle won’t make a whole lot of coherent sense without prior context because of how I like to layer foreshadowing/development.

That said, Wally-centric chapters mean Wally thoughts, and of those I have plenty to share:

First of all, I want to establish that I really do like Wally as a character.  The DW chapter set comprising Flashpoints through to Equilibrium is going to explore and develop some of his flaws and insecurities, which means he isn’t going to be looking his best, but it’s not meant to be a Ron The Death Eater situation.  He’s just a complex person, and taking him warts and all means sometimes you have to get up close and personal on the warts.

Something that I’m maybe a bit over-conscious of when reviewing my DW story notes is worrying about letting Wally slide into just being punching-bag joke-fodder.  Wally is quippy, irreverent, a little tactless and prone to being a bit of an impulsive goober who sometimes gets possessed by teenage boner-brain, which makes him easy to fall back on as a default source of incidental levity (whether cracking the joke or being the punchline).  Because I’m now writing an 8-character ensemble where most non-focal characters only get a few lines per conversation, it’s easy for characters to slide into being defined by their strongest surface level trait(s)… and something I worry about with Wally is that his availability as a source of jokes runs the risk of Flanderisation into a disposable Scrappy/ Flirty Comic Relief, which isn’t his character.  Wally is actually really important – not just for his scientific book-smarts but for his perceptiveness, earnestness and ability to function as one of the emotional barometers for the squad – so I always have it in the back of my mind to make sure I include enough moments that actually demonstrate those qualities and the other characters’ appreciation of them/ their friendship, so that it counterbalances the more light-hearted goofery.

I think he’s walking the same tightrope as Sokka from Avatar: the Last Airbender – yes, he tends to take the L more often than the others for comedy purposes and sometimes he gets stuck with supremely dumb side-plots for the sake of tonal balance, but to claim that it’s the entirety of his characterisation really misses the point by a wide mile.

On that note, I actually really like the decision YJ!Animated decided to go with in its first and only season (ahem) in giving Wally a normal and functional family background.  I know that’s not the typical background for his comics counterparts (and no shade on other fan-writers who want to write AUs exploring the abuse dynamic, those are really interesting stories) but I think it was a smart deviation for the purposes of a large ensemble, and offered a fair bit of potential for cast-balance.  It lets him serve an important role as the normal one – not only as an easy window into what the current lives of ordinary middle-class civilians look like (which is good because ordinary people are who our heroes are donning the masks to protect) but also as a touch-stone for the others, most of whom either come from different cultures or from very atypical backgrounds.  Even if we discount the Impure Atlantean with military training, the ostracised White Martian and the Half-Alien clone-weapon, the other members of this line-up are an orphaned circus acrobat adopted by a billionaire, a girl from a dangerously dysfunctional criminal household where she was forced to fight her sibling, and a fledgling sorceress raised by an overprotective single Dad.  The others might intellectually understand what a “normal” childhood and family look like but they don’t necessarily know it as intuitively and intimately as Wally does.  That normality gives Wally the potential to be a more stable foundation for the others, a source of emotional contrast and of a necessary wholesome mundanity.  That is a good thing for the Team to have.  I think it also speaks volumes to the heart of his character.  For this Wally, the Flash and heroism weren’t an escape from a bad personal situation.  His life was actually pretty comfy and privileged - he didn’t experience a brutal wakeup to the injustices of the world or some other personal call to action.  This is a Wally who opted into the game because he loves the players and sincerely believes in their values and mission.  And while that might mean he has a more romanticised idea of what heroism entails – and will probably face some rough shocks down the line as that rosy vision runs into those more brutal realities – it also means he brings a sincere hopefulness to the job that is less hardened than a lot of his roughed-up, pre-jaded peers.  Underneath the teen sarcasm and surface-level lancer/smart-guy traits, this Wally has as much power to be a stealth-Heart as any of his Flash!counterparts.

Something else I find interesting when using Wally is how a lot of his strengths and flaws feed into each other – and I think this alternate backstory is part of it.  For all of his good heart Wally can come off as insensitive, and I think some of that could be read as a product of living a more charmed life.  I think he’s susceptible to a thing that a lot of real people do – universalising their own personal experience as the default – and that while he is canonically a geek and somewhat genre-savvy about hero cliches, he’s a geek about in-universe media so he probably doesn’t think to apply those tropes to “real people” like himself or his colleagues.  While this Wally is a skeptic, he’s not a cynic, and I think he might forget how much of an outlier he is in a world where things like living parents and loving parents are often mutually exclusive.  He’s smart enough to connect dots but there’s a little blind-spot where he simply might not think to until one of the others jabs an elbow into his ribs, because his default view on humanity is in some ways a little kinder than typical due to that small but still significant amount of privilege.

At the same time, Wally is also someone who has probably run into (or watched his mentor run into) a lamp-post at high-speed at least once in his career.  He contains multitudes and among those multitudes is an endless capacity for some absolute Looney-Tunes nonsense, which the world is 100% better off for having.

I love him, your honour.

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

This post has been ages in the making. It was supposed to be a list of new comedy hours that I’ve seen/heard “in the last week or so”, but actually it’s been about two weeks since I started writing it and then had a weird sort of writer’s block where I was too physically and mentally tired from work (and also maybe rather sad about real life but it’s fine) to want to write anything. But anyway, here’s the post. Some comedy shows that I saw/heard a while and had things I wanted to say about them, just didn’t get around to it until now.

Olga Koch – If/Then (2019), Homecoming (2021), Just Friends (2022)

I heard Olga Koch’s 2023 show Prawn Cocktail recently, and liked it so much that I found the other ones she’s released. I think this is just about all the ones she’s done, since her 2018 show (which hasn’t been released) was nominated for a Newcomer Award, and no one did anything in 2020.

I really liked these. I think If/Then is my favourite of the three, though I don’t know if that equates to it being objectively the best one, the structure just really appealed to me. Talking about her computer science degree and seeing the world in terms of programming. There may have been a couple of times when the connection felt slightly strained, but I liked it anyway and mainly it worked. The actual stories are largely around gendered expectations, and how women get misogynistically praised for being “not like the other girls” if they defy gendered expectations, and obviously that resonated. There was some stuff about her grandmother that I really liked too.

Homecoming is largely about getting a British citizenship (she’s from Russia, grew up going to American schools in Britain so that’s why her accent is like that, she also discussed the weird position of being from so many different places), how she can dissect British culture as an outsider, her perspectives on immigration. Also quite a few stories about sex. There’s a lot of that all across the shows, and I enjoy it more than I usually enjoy stories about sex in comedy shows. Which is a bit, if told well.

Just Friends is mainly (spoiler alert, I guess) about how she met her boyfriend, and my least favourite of the three, mainly because it takes a lot for me to really love a show about how someone met their boyfriend or girlfriend. That was still good, though. Lots of funny stories, the throughline hardly took up the whole thing and was still fun. It had this theme of describing “ho culture”, which didn’t make a huge amount of sense to me but I think wasn’t really for me, and might make more sense to people who are not me.

Across all three, I really liked the way she put them together, embedding the themes at least two layers deeper than I would say the average show does. Also, all of them were just really funny. Like I said about Prawn Cocktail – it made me glad to know I can consider a stand-up show great even if it doesn’t have an incredibly Important Message involved (although there definitely were some Important Messages scattered across these other shows, and I appreciated those as well, also there was definitely some interesting messaging in Prawn Cocktail about the nature of curated “content” and its relationship to reality, so I’m not sure why I said it doesn’t have a message either). The individual stories are fucking funny, almost every time. They can make me laugh when I do relate to them, but they can make me laugh just as hard when I don’t (as in most cases, I’d say, Olga Koch and I have lived very different lives, aside from the unlearning of the misogyny around Not Like The Other Girls), which I think is even more impressive and probably a sign of genuine comedic talent, however that can be distilled. If you can get people to laugh because you said something undeniable funny, not just from recognition.

Her performance style is really engaging. She always seems hyper-aware of how she’s coming across, physically and vocally and within the context of all her complicated identities and relationship to the crowd, and she’s constantly stopping to examine that. I think that, along with the way she goes back and forth among topics and points, makes it hard to get distracted or bored when listening to her.

Urooj Ashfaq – Oh No! (2023)

This won the Best Newcomer award in Edinburgh this year, so I’m glad I got to hear both it and Ahir Shah's show, completing the collection of winners. I liked this one quite a bit. It wasn’t flawless, as people’s first shows usually aren’t. But it was good. The parts that were good, I thought, were really good. There were some really original in there (or so I thought – one of those ideas did turn out to also be in Olga Koch’s Homecoming show, but I think it’s very unlikely that there was intentional copying, just weird that in the same week I heard two people come up with the same idea).

Urooj actually lives in India, which gives her quite a different perspective from most comedians I hear. She’s one of only three comedians I’ve heard who live there, along with Anuvab Pal and Aditti Mittal. So she immediately gets a few extra points for doing it in her second language. She also seemed quite affected by suddenly being thrust into the limelight, in an unfamiliar country, for winning an award. Given all that, she did very well.

A couple of parts of her show required some explanation, because of cultural differences. Some reminded me of Aditti Mittal’s show in that way, having to explain to a Western audience that these things we’d consider normal actually are edgy comedy where they come from, talking about blasphemy or divorce. It’s really interesting, aside from everything else, to try to see what comedy is like in completely different contexts from what I’m used to. And the context affected most of the show, even the parts that weren’t specifically about culture. Because of course it did – everyone’s culture affects every story about their life.

Anyway, I think this show probably deserved the award it got. It’s my favourite out of all the Edinburgh debut hours I heard from this year: Alexandra Haddow, Tadiwa Mahlunge, Bronwyn Sweeney, Dan Tiernan, Mamoun Elagab, Paddy Young, and Lorna Rose Treen. Lorna Rose Treen’s show might have been better to people who like that sort of thing better, comparing sketch/character comedy to “stand there with a mic and tell stories of my life” comedy is apples to oranges. But I tend to prefer the latter.

Anyway, I hope she ends up recording more English-language comedy, and I’m quite curious to see what she does next.

Joe Wells – I Am Autistic (2023)

I didn’t realize until I started watching this show that I’d seen a clip of it before. It’s this clip that went viral a while ago, which came up in my YouTube recommendations and I think I’ve even seen it shared on Facebook. A guy saying he has autism and his brother doesn’t, and then explains all the ways his brother can live an acceptable life with the right supports despite not being autistic. He’s not the first person I’ve ever heard make a joke along those lines, but I think he did it very well.

I watched this show because it was advertised as Go Faster Stripe thing that was put up for free on YouTube, so I figured it was worth checking out. Didn’t realize until after it started that it was that guy from that clip, but this did very much back up my belief that it’s always worth seeing a full-length thing rather than just a clip. The clip was funny, the full show is much better.

He talks in the show about that clip going viral, and how weird that is, and what the reality behind it is. I enjoyed that, as a person who is strongly against the reductive nature of people consuming things in clip form instead of doing it properly (although, to be fair, until I recently I had only seen the clip of this show). I enjoyed this quite a bit. It also wasn’t flawless, I thought some parts were better than others. There was a whole thing about how weird it is that we don’t answer the question “how are you?” honestly, which I think is now about five years past the point at which we could say comedians had fully covered every angle on that one and it could be put to bed. But much of the show felt fresh and funny.

Oh, to balance out the fact that I’ve now accused him a couple of times of being unoriginal, I should say that in one part, he made the point that people are wrong when they think social media is bad for mental health because we see other people living better lives than us and get depressed about it. That’s not a problem, he says, but social media is bad for mental health because we see other people posting racist shit and get depressed about how many racists we know. This wasn’t a particularly funny thing to say, it just a really good point, that I have said multiple times in the last few years but have weirdly not heard anyone else say, so I liked hearing that reflected. Thank you, Joe Wells, for validating my beliefs. Because what do we listen to comedy for if not validating our beliefs? Facebook does not depress me because I see pictures of my friends with kids and wish I had a kid. That’s one of the few upsides, if I’m tired from work and feeling burned out, I can remember that some people have to do all that and then go home, where the responsibilities and the requirement to be around people is only just getting started. While I can cast off the responsibilities and requirement to be around people, and sit in bed playing Pokemon and eating eggs. Their kids do not depress me. What depresses me is realizing how many racists I know.

Actually, as I write this I’ve just remembered I have heard that point made once before. It still counts as Joe Wells being quite original, if I’ve only heard two comedians talk about something then that’s a small number. But Fern Brady said something similar in her Love and Chaos show. I guess it’s an autistic opinion. (That’s not actually true, lots of autistic people are also racist.)

Anyway, it was a funny show. Obviously a lot of it was, in fact, about being autistic. I’ve already heard a whole lot of the jokes about autism that can be made, given that I hang out a lot on the autism website. Despite that, he managed to make a bunch that I hadn’t heard before, so that’s impressive. I recommend it to the many people on this autism website who want to hear more jokes about autism. And like I said, it's free on YouTube:

Finlay Christie – OK Zoomer (2022)

This is one that I forced myself to watch with as open a mind as possible, because I’m trying to be less of a judgmental dick about gen Z comedians. I’ve seen Finlay Christe once before, when he did Dictionary Corner in an episode of Catsdown last year, and I believe my only comment on it was “Why was there a small child in Dictionary Corner?”

I also know that this particular gen Z comedian has been working on it for a long time. Because last year, when I was looking at all those pictures from that one Flickr account that’s been posting pictures from comedy gigs since about 2006, I saw some pictures from some Comedy For Kids event from years ago, and the picture of one kid was labeled Finlay. Which I figured must be the same guy, since the face looked similar, and it’s not a common name. He confirmed in the OK Zoomer show that it was, told some stories about his time as a child comedian (a literal small child, in this case) doing Comedy For Kids nights, and even showed some footage of one. This footage had James Acaster introducing him, which he described as embarrassing, because James Acaster was his comedy hero, he’d grown up looking up to James Acaster as an older really successful comedian so he hates that James saw the dumb shit he did as a kid. James Acaster. He was a big fan of James Acaster when he was a young kid. I guess I can’t resent Finlay Christie for being young enough to have been a fan of James Acaster when he was a kid, the passage of time isn’t really his fault. But come on. You can’t be allowed to be that young.

That instinctive way of thinking is the sort of thing I was trying to stop about myself, as I decided to watch this comedy special and give the youths a proper chance (well, one youth). And… a bunch of it was pretty funny. Not all of it. But he had some good jokes. Just, straightforwardly, said something that had clearly been written and edited beforehand until it was quite funny. Which is the sort of thing that I stereotypically don’t expect from gen Z comedians, right? I sort of think of them as all Tik-Tok stars who do dancing or crowd work instead of writing material. Well, this guy wrote material. I’d say that solidly more than half of it was quite good.

He didn’t write a lot of it, I noticed. It ran quite short for a full show that he took to Edinburgh in 2022; the recording I watched on YouTube was only 38 minutes. And that’s padded out with a few of those videos and things like that. I looked at the comments, interested to see the takes of the other youths on this youth, and saw a couple of youths say they normally only watch clips and don’t have the attention span for long-form comedy like this but he was so funny that they were willing to watch this long video, which made me briefly despair due to my above-mentioned hatred of our culture’s move toward consuming everything through stripped-of-context clips, but anyway, it’s fine.

To be honest, the part of his identify against which I ended up having the most trouble overcoming my bias wasn’t his age, but his class. Specifically, he dedicated a chunk of the show to sort of bragging about being posh. I say “sort of” because I guess it was meant to be “banter”, making jokes about how his “team” in life – as someone privately educated – is better than the other “team”, people who went to state school. But it doesn’t seem like a great position to take, really.

I obviously don’t hate all privately educated people, some of my favourite comedians are privately educated people. I was about to say I don’t hate them in real life either, but actually they’re barely a factor in real life, I think I’ve only ever met two privately educated people in person. I think private schools are less common here than in Britain, because on British TV they keep making jokes about how private school is for the privileged middle class and state schools are for poor kids. But I grew up solidly middle class, and yet don’t know anyone who paid for school before university. Well, almost anyone. I knew a couple of people, and everyone knew them as the wildly, ridiculously rich kids, so ridiculously rich that they lived in mansions and went to a private school. I can’t tell if private schools are more common in the UK, or if most comedians just grew up so rich that to them, anyone who didn’t live in a mansion was a poor kid, and that’s where the “state school is for poor kids” jokes come from.

Anyway, like I said, I like lots of privately educated comedians. Some never mention it (you wouldn’t know it about Alex Horne, would you?). Some are self-deprecating about it (Ivo Graham). Some use their experiences to write more informed material that criticizes the way the private school system perpetuates class structures (okay, I only know one comedian who does this, and it’s Andy Zaltzman). But not many privately educated comedians choose to brag about their status in their comedy act, even as a joke. Finlay was joking when he bragged about it. But still, it was fairly off-putting.

So it was a mixed bag, that show. He had some quite funny jokes about college and living in a generation that knows it’s doomed and sliding into DMs. He had some weird bits where he made fun of state school kids, which made it quite impossible to find him endearing. He then played some footage of himself as a child getting introduced by James Acaster and then making a dorky joke, which of course was very endearing. He said a few interesting things that dissected how comedy worked. I tried not to be a judgmental dick. It was interesting to watch, anyway.

Other gen Z comedian Leo Reich has a special coming out soon, I've heard a few things by him that I quite like so I will watch that. So see, I'm giving the youths a shot. Leo Reich actually featured fairly significantly in the Olga Koch show Just Friends, that I recently watched. He featured as (spoiler alert, genuinely, for the end of that show) the guy who helped her meet her boyfriend, that boyfriend being Sam Williams, a third gen Z comedian that I have now heard of, and Finlay Christie thanks Sam Williams for doing tour support at the end of OK Zoomer. So there, small world and I am plenty informed about the world of gen Z comedians. At least, about the ones who've hung out with Olga Koch.

Harriet Kemsley – Woman Child (2022)

This is another special that was recently released for free on YouTube. I watched it because I find Harriet Kemsley breathtakingly hilarious on panel shows. However, some comedians are funny on panel shows in a way that make me think I bet their stand-up’s funny. Harriet Kemsley, however, is funny that’s so specific to panel show formats (her way of interacting with others, and her odd takes on rules and format points), that I wasn’t so sure if she’d be as funny alone on stage with just a microphone. But I wanted to find out.

For the first little while, I have to admit, I thought I’d made a bit of a mistake with this special. It was about her husband (Bobby Mair, a comedian who’s also fairly funny on panel shows, he’s got a special on NextUp that I should probably check out at some point) and her marriage, and it was so slow and boring. Sometimes, I hear comedians do material about marriage and/or parenting, and I think I’m not enjoying this, but it’s not aimed at me, this sort of humour works because it’s relatable, so probably someone who is married and/or a parent would like it. But in this case, I was sort of thinking – I’m not sure this is interesting even to its target audience. I’ve heard jokes like all of this before.

But once she got past the first little bit, it got better and pretty much stayed on that upward trajectory, with maybe a few stumbles along the way. But the end, I felt like I’d just seen a really enjoyable stand-up special, even if it wasn’t perfect. This is despite the fact that she did come back to the not-my-favourite topic by telling stories of her pregnancy and then of parenthood, but I actually still enjoyed those.

A lot of the show ended up being about gendered expectations, how society views women, how this affects the way she parents a daughter. And that’s a type of parenting story that I can find interesting. I guess I’m more the target audience for that – I’m not a wife or a mother, but I am a woman, so I can relate to gender material more than to marriage/parenthood material.

However, a lot of it was still not particularly relatable to me. This was something that occurred to me while I listened to Olga Koch as well. It’s something I’ve thought of before, when listening to various female comedians who are particularly feminine (I think I first noticed it when I watched Katherine Ryan’s Netflix specials a couple of years ago). I can hear a male comedian tell a story about being a teenage boy, and even if there are some bits that I can’t relate to because they were specifically gendered, I can put myself in his shoes and find the humour in it anyway. While if I hear a feminine female comedian tell a story about having been a feminine teenage girl, I struggle to do the same. Something feels uncomfortable as I try to do that, I think because they so often tell this story as “this is what being a teenage girl was like, we all remember it, right, girls? We all remember trying to put on makeup and impress boys and wear nice clothes?”

And not only did I not do those things, but a lot of my teenage memories involve feeling uncomfortable under the expectations that I should be doing those things, getting in huge fights with my mother because I wouldn’t be enough of a girl, getting negatively judged by girls who did do those things right because I didn’t. Not all of my memories, of course. Lots of my teenage memories are about playing sports, engaging in various nerdy activities with my mostly male nerdy friends, and liking girls who didn’t like me back. So actually, I find lots of male comedians’ anecdotes about being a teenage boy quite relatable. I spent most of my teenage years trying not to think about what teenage girls were expected to be doing, and getting upset when I was reminded of it by people telling me I should do it. So when I hear female comedians talk about teenage makeup mishaps with an attitude of “I know all the women in the room remember this”, I instinctively don’t like it. I’m glad comedy like that exists, for the people who do relate to it to enjoy. But I find it difficult, and then I feel guilty about the internalized misogyny that makes me find it difficult, because I just gave several paragraphs of excuses for what boils down to me being more open to hearing things from male comedians than from female ones.

Anyway. Harriet Kemsley’s show did have a bit of that. But I think I’ve gotten better, in the last while, at not having an immediate negative reaction to that. So I made myself just listen to her stories, and that was worth it. She had interesting things to say about how it felt to be a girl who did want to meet the expectations of what a girl should be. And she had funny things to say when criticizing how absurd those expectations are, and when describing how much of a mess it was when she tried to do it. She then tied that into her parenting stories, talked about her daughter growing up in a world that has its own set of expectations, talked about still feeling the need to meet those feminine expectations as an adult but not wanting to pass that need down to her daughter. Tackled some serious subjects, remained pretty consistently funny while discussing them – I think that was the strongest part of her comedy show.

Daniel Kitson – Maybe a Ghost Story (2023)

I watched this when he livestreamed it on Halloween a couple of weeks ago (a show that was originally performed in 2022, and the version that was streamed as pretty much exactly the same as the 2022 version, it’d be great if that just becomes a Halloween tradition to do this every year), it was very good, I was going to add it to this but I’ve decided it deserves its own post. Which I will write another day. But at least today I’ve managed to finish most of the post that I started like two weeks ago.

[treesap-blogs]

GUYS YOUR MAN IS BACK! WITH A REVIEW OF “THE HONEYS” BY RYAN LA SALA!

Hello, Tumblrians! It’s been a while. I thought I’d post more consistently due to it being my Spring Break time, but alas, I was fatigued and to be honest just needed a break. Even if I post once a week, I put a lot into reviewing everything! Yeah.

BUT! I read some bangers recently. I will get those out of the way first and foremost.

The Honeys is a 2022 horror novel by Ryan La Sala, following a genderfluid teen named Mars. (I’ll be addressing them with they/he/she pronouns this whole review btw, as the MC uses all of those pronounse.) His sister recently died a grisly death after running away from the prestigious summer academy she was attending, and although the uncharacteristic behavior and aggression in her final moments can be attributed to a tumor in her brain by doctors, Mars suggests there was some foul play involved. So, he goes back to the summer academy/camp in question: Aspen, a cisnormative, kinda cultish nightmare, which Mars swore they wouldn’t return to after an incident that happened years prior, but has to in order to investigate their sister’s death. There, they end up somehow befriending the local trio of popular girls: The Honeys, called that because of their beekeeping, are alluringly and suspiciously perfect girls with a pretty exclusive friend group that Caroline was part of right before she died. But, The Honeys are definitely not as they seem, and undoubtedly have a connection to Mars’ sister’s death. On top of that, in the daytime, something within the camp starts messing with Mars’ memories, and they need to get to the bottom of what exactly that is before it’s too late.

The Honeys holds a Book Backstory that, similar to Mars’ memory/POV for most of the book, is a little hazy to me now and I have a vague recollection of the series of events that led to this being something of high priority on my TBR. Maybe I just learned it was a queer horror and was intrigued based on the premise alone! But, my school library had this in its horror shelves, and I checked this one out along with Belladonna in order to clear off some of my Digital TBR. (I hadn’t gotten around to reading Belladonna yet with the Trans Rights Readathon going on, sorry.)

Anyhow! As only my second horror novel, this took a bit of adapting to, but halfway through I was expecting it to be tamer than it turned out. See, for a chunk of the novel, Mars lives in a bit of a haze and doesn’t have much recollection of their original investigation plan due to supernatural events, and as a result a third or so of this novel is summer camp shenanigans that are typical until a creepy event happens and gets shrugged off about 20 pages later. In that sense, it’s close to a slow burn psychological horror. So, if you’re expecting a lot of dead bodies and fear from our protagonist, just…know you’ll have to wait until the last 100 pages for more of that haha. Originally though, this kinda frustrated me because I disliked knowing more than the protagonist did when we technically knew about the same things at different points, but I liked how that part of the plot was wrapped up, and although I was critical of it at the time it makes a lot of sense in hindsight (I was just impatient and wanted a bloodbath I guess).

This also gave me a new interest, or I guess a new…buzzword…to look for in books and the like (collective crowd booing): Bee horror!!! I loved it so much. Bee horror isn’t really something new, I know, just look at Candyman for instance(and the new Amazon Prime series Swarm), but I just loved what they did with the body horror here. I loved the bits of bee research put into writing the apiary segments, the absolutely gross body horror we got (spoilers: people get TURNED INTO HONEY. Like, they melt and stuff!!), how the main hive mind was connected to everything and used actual beehive imagery in both metaphor and social structure. So cool. We love to see it.

Also, that ending!! No spoiler section for this review, but I will say that it’s absolutely BATSHIT!

Actually nevermind, changed my mind, WE’RE ADDING A SPOILER SECTION!!

SPOILER SECTION!! Buzz away if that’s not what you feel like reading or you want to go into this book blind.🐝

Ok!!! So. The ending. I was predicting that Mars would end up siding with the Honeys after they accepted them into their friend group, but I was absolutely not predicting the kind of scale or power their group had. The aforementioned “Hive Mind” was connected to the Honeys; they harvested honey from body-horroring some of the counselors into it, and they’d eat the honey to gain connection to this weird plane of reality called The Lace, which connects everyone’s minds together as one entity and makes them like..omnipresent or whatever. It’s so weird, I loved it.

Mars is forced to take on the leading role of Queen Bee, since his sister’s biology and stuff didn’t work with the literal throne and the stuff that came with that, and his parents are insistent about one of their bloodline taking on the title. To have this be put onto a transfemme character, after Aspen’s higher-ups were insistent about them remaining a “boy”, was fascinating to me. I’d have to do more lengthy analysis to properly dissect this, but to have Mars turn against the adult higher-ups while she’s Queen Bee felt like a way of reclaiming that as a means of affirming her identity and gender. (I mean, she’s presented femme throughout the book but that’s one of the only times they’re addressed with she/her pronouns by their parents, and Mars, while they were terrified of the Honeys themselves for a chunk of the ending, doesn’t have any discomfort in how they’re addressed gender-wise once they take on this role and it’s abilities.) Maybe that scene could be enough to convince a few girlies that, by the end, this could probably be a “Good For Her” horror, although it gets a little sketchy once we look into dissecting that? Just looking into the morals and stuff of The Honeys and how they fucked around with memories, will a little bit, and all that. (Not that Mars sides with that or decides to replicate it, even with their new abilities.)

But, I really liked the ending. I’m glad Mars got to get their revenge. It did feel a little “Good For Her”-y.

I do really want to do some analysis on it at some point though because I was thinking about some of the subtext within it and was, again, fascinated. Perhaps I’ll do a reread at some point, see if I liked things more or less, see if there’s anything I missed.

END OF SPOILER SECTION! (There was a flimsy Baby’s First Analysis y’all were not missing out if you skipped)

TL;DR(or TS;DR)(Too Spoilery, Didn’t Read), the ending was delightfully trippy and I tried my hand at dissecting some of the gender subtext within it.

Overall, a solid read! I was a little frustrated at the slowness sometimes, but that paid off in the end and I liked how everything wrapped up. I will always LOVE queer horror, especially stuff with trans protagonists 💪 

Book rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️/5 stars.

~Paz, signing off! ^^

(Book content/trigger warnings: Body horror, loss of autonomy(memory altercation), transphobic and homophobic bullying, frequent insects, blood and gore.)

[alenadragonne]

15 questions, however many people

Tagged by @rosieposiepuddingnpie (was finally able to have the time and memory to actually do one of these lol)

1. Are you named after anyone? My dad actually! His name is also Bobbi. Except it’s spelled the masculine way. And he’s technically named after his grandfather Robert.

2. When was the last time you cried? It’s actually been a while now. Long enough for the short term memory to forget how long it’s been. But it’s usually quite often for one reason or another. Perhaps it was right around Christmas?

3. Do you have kids? No but I want kids so very bad. I love children so much. Every age group is great for different reasons!

4. Do you use sarcasm? Naturally? No. If I was taught it I never would have used it or realized it existed. I’ve forced myself to use it but I really only do it with people I super duper trust because I’m often mistaken for being completely serious. It’s not a concept that comes easily for me.

5. What's the first thing you notice about people? How they greet me, if at all. How they hold themselves, are the being forced to introduce themselves? Are they making the first move so to speak? Is their handshake confident or slacked? Do they even bother with a handshake ( understandably of course, Covid is still alive and well). Then it’s physical stuff like hair, eyes, and mouth. I stare at peoples mouths when they talk so really it’s probably mouth and teeth right after eyes.

6. What's your eye color? Hazel, but like REALLY dark hazel. They are a perfect mix of my moms very dark brown eyes and my dads dark green eyes. So they look brown from afar until they get direct light then you can see the inner ring is more green and the outer ring is completely brown.

7. Scary movies or happy endings? I like both, it really depends on the expectations the movie sets for itself. Like if I go into a happy movie and I’m scared I’ll be upset. But scary movies should be scary imo. I also hate spoilers and love surprises so I try to avoid spoiling myself.

8. Any special talents? Uh drawing? I guess. But I consider that more of a learned skill than a talent. I just started young. I’d say as far as special, I can make a clown horn noise with my throat by restricting air flow and then breathing fast. Kids love it, and honestly adults do too.

9. Where were you born? Texas, been here my whole life. :/

10. What are your hobbies? Drawing. Recently got an iPad and Apple Pencil and the barrier for my brain to start drawing is was less. Booting up my laptop often was too many hurdles and it made me draw less. Also reading fanfic for sure. I’m constantly looking for good fics. (I’d write but I’m ass at writing and the thought of posting any of my shitty writing makes me feel ill)

11. Do you have any pets? Yes!!! I have two sweet boys named Faendal and Chonk. Faendal is a shelter mutt. He’s white with very light tan spots and big ole pointed ears that stick straight up. And Chonk is a Pittbull, Labrador, Husky mix. Yeah you read that right. Although he has none of the physical traits of lab or husky. He looks Pitt but he’s got the braincells of a lab and the mouth of a husky.

12. What sports do you play/have you played? No sportsball. I danced competitively in highschool though on the local drill team. And I was what my friends so lovingly called a “mathlete” since I was like 10. I competed in mental math basically.

13. How tall are you? 5'4” ish

14. Favorite subject in school? Math, Physics, Art

15. Dream job? Gosh idk if I have a dream job anymore. When I was a teenager my answer would have been pediatrician. But now idk. I toy with the idea of doing art for a living. But I’m afraid of the job market and I’m not good at selling myself. And also do I wanna make my favorite hobby my job? And then I’m rather good at math so I should utilize it right? That’s what every one tells me. “You have such a unique skill set being so good at math, it would be so easy to get a math degree and a great job.” But would I be bored? Idk that’s a loaded question.

Idk who I should tag 🤔 perhaps @naked-aardvark (although you never do them ಠ_ಠ) @theheightofdishonor if ya feeling up to it. And of course anyone I didn’t tag and wants to!

[tonoiho]

final thoughts on Sonic Frontiers (as a viewer and not a player)

ive got some stuff to say about the game since i finished watching playthroughs and i will try to keep this as spoiler-free as possible, but still going to tag it and add a read more.

i will not be sharing/posting any big spoilers for the game until after official release as ive stated before (albeit in a now-deleted post). regardless, any possible spoilers will always be tagged. same goes for fanart.

Admittedly before, I didn't have much hope for Frontiers despite my excitement, but recently as more and more info came out (and me looking for leaks oops), I was a lot less pessimistic.

It takes a LOT for something in the franchise to disappoint me, and I mean that. I'm more of a "accept something as it is" kinda guy when it comes to Sonic because for even the "bad" games, I just appreciate them for existing in the first place since they make me happy.

But unfortunately, as great as Frontiers was throughout the majority of the game, the ending was surprisingly underwhelming at best, disappointing at worst. It wasn't bad I guess and maybe that's just me being nice, but it was anticlimactic for sure. I will say, while many people find the true final boss to be boring or otherwise "lazy", I honestly thought it was interesting. It isn't the best final boss fight ever, but interesting. I'm hoping we learn more about them in the future.

There is a point on the 4th island where the stakes of the story are at their highest, only for it to be easily resolved within seconds in the most anticlimactic and cheesy (/neg) way. Which is unfortunate seeing this was something specific fans were looking forward to. The game from that point on kind of takes a turn. Again, it's not really bad, but it feels like stuff is missing from the game entirely and a ton of missed opportunities.

There is also a big complaint I keep seeing about the final islands just being extensions of Kronos, and to that I say I really don't mind. The 4th island is story driven strictly anyway, with no enemies, Cyberspace levels, or maps. I do tend to look forward to lore than gameplay regardless, so I understand people being upset by this, but I personally am not.

Despite all the negatives, the majority of the game was amazing from a viewer standpoint. I loved the character interactions and developments, and I can't even say "oh this character had the better development" because they all were great in my opinion, and I hope we get to see that in future games. There were plenty of moments between characters that got me emotional to the point of tearing up or entirely sobbing, but that could just be me.

Another thing I adored was the soundtrack. Some songs are definitely more memorable than others, but that's just kinda how soundtracks are. I enjoyed the vocal tracks and Cyberspace level themes a lot. Music is a big, important thing to me and I'm glad Frontiers did not disappoint on that at all.

Seeing as there are things that were very obviously left out or cut from the game for one reason or another, I hope they get expanded on in some form. It would be nice to get an IDW comic about Frontiers more extensive than the prequel honestly because there is so much potential.

I'd say up until the 4th island, the game is a 9/10. Anything after is a 7/10. Definitely get the game if you've been looking forward to it; I'd hope its flaws don't ruin the whole experience for you when most of the game is good, just don't expect the most spectacular ending.

And of course before I close this off, if you do still plan on playing it, there is a "true" final boss that is not indicated anywhere in or outside of the game at all. To get to that boss, you need to play on hard mode. Easy and normal mode gets you the cut/shortened ending.

Overall, if given the chance to play Frontiers, I will. I just don't see myself buying it for a while (mainly because I'm broke lmfao).

I hope this was helpful to someone, and I hope despite everything you still allow yourselves to have fun with Frontiers.

[xiaomoxu]

Lucien - Leisure Light Date

⚠️ SPOILER ALERT!! ⚠️

A date from CN server which hasn’t been released on EN server yet.

It turned out I have some time for translating this date before I have a date with some works later~ please enjoy a sweet moment on their leisure time ^^

Translations under the cuts~

In the middle of the autumn, the sun willingly spilled into the living room, and the fragrance of sweet-scented osmanthus was lingering on the tip of my nose. I took a deep breath and opened the long-awaited book.

MC: Where did I read it last time..."The psychological effects that should be avoided in business management" seems to be here.

Before I read a few lines, the news of the company group suddenly jumped out, I was a little confused and opened it.

Kiki: Guys! I found the most unbeatable challenge on the entire network!

Kiki: It's the actor who worked with us last time! We sincerely invite everyone to try it!

Kiki said and sent a link to the video, with the title saying "no temptation challenge, 100% failure."

MC: 100% failure is too exaggerated...

I was about to open it when Lucien sat beside me at some point and put two glasses of juice with lemon slices on the coffee table.

Lucien: Looking at what?

MC: Kiki posted a video just now, it's very popular recently, called "no temptation challenge."

I put the phone between us and Lucien glanced at the screen, showing a thoughtful expression.

Lucien: Several young interns in the Institute also watch this type of video recently.

MC: Hahaha I didn't expect this craze has spread to the group of scientific researchers.

Thinking that the interns in the institute are all boys, I blinked, took Lucien's arm, and looked at him meaningfully.

MC: Did Professor Lucien also watch it? Don’t you wanna share it with me?

Lucien was amused by my look, his eyes curled up, and there was a hint of cunning in his eyes.

Lucien: Would you be angry if I said I had seen it?

MC: Not to that extent, it's just a little bit concerned.

Lucien: Really? Then why your mouth is pouting.

MC: It isn't.

Hearing this, I pursed my mouth deliberately, but saw the smile on Lucien's face wider.

Lucien: Your "a little bit of concerned" makes me very happy.

Lucien: But what I just said is just a hypothesis. The actual situation is...I haven't seen it.

MC: I guess so, after all, a busy person like Professor Lucien would not kill time in this way like me.

Lucien: Oh? It seems that MC have seen it a lot?

Lucien: I am a little curious, from the perspective of a big producer, what would it look like.

MC: In fact, I watched it mostly when I was looking for inspiration for new programs with my colleagues, and now I don’t see much impression.

Now that I think about it, I have never faced this "no temptation challenge" with the mentality of an audience.

Seeing the lemon stuck in the mouth of the juice glass, an idea came to my mind.

MC: Since we have never played, how about playing together once?

Lucien: With you, of course.

Lucien: However, I didn't know much about the specific rules.

Lucien: Is it literally? As long as there is no temptation in the moment of the challenge, it is considered successful?

MC: That's right.

MC: As for the punishment if we failed, let use these two lemons.

Lucien: So how can we judge whether a person is being tempted?

MC: Mostly in this situation, people's temptation will show on their faces.

As soon as the voice fell, I found Lucien's gaze was looking at me, as if he was thinking about some episodes of the past.

It was confirmed that something was normal, and his eyes were stained with a smile.

Lucien: Well, this statement can indeed be proved by you.

My cheeks were a little hot unconsciously, and as expected, before this person, my mind had never been able to hide.

MC: Suddenly I feel that this challenge is too easy for you. After all, Professor Lucien is very good at hiding his mind...

Lucien reached out and squeezed my palm.

Lucien: Isn't the "no temptation challenge" that is the easiest way for me to fail, right in front of my eyes?

Looking at Lucien's serious face, I blinked.

MC: Really, let me demonstrate the reaction of Professor Lucien's heart this time!

Lucien: This classmate seems very certain that I will fail, have you forgotten...You need to work hard for your challenge first?

MC: Humph, my challenge is just watching the video. I must be expressionless all the time.

Lucien: Then I will study by the side, your excellent demonstration.

MC: I must take the lead~

I responded to his ridicule with a smile, moved closer to him, picked up the phone and clicked on the link.

Unlike ordinary challenge materials, many roles that the actor has played are edited in this video.

There are gentle scholars in white shirts, chic and dusty knights, mysterious and mad assassins, cute and considerate neighbor....

There are many types, and it seems that no matter what the audience’s aesthetic orientation is, they can always find something that suits their minds in this video.

Although I knew the technique very well, my mood was gradually aroused by the slow jazz music and the right lens flare.

The finale was a cold-faced agent wearing a dark trench coat and holding a black technological cane.

Seeing the back of the character walking calmly in the smoke of gunpowder and hunting wind, another person suddenly appeared in my mind.

Dangerous, mysterious, and people want to follow and approach.

He must be very suitable for this appearance...

Thinking of this, I couldn't help but look up at Lucien, but I was falling into his gaze.

I was reflected in his eyes, and the corners of his mouth were curled up unconsciously because of my own cranky thoughts.

MC: You, don't look at me first!

I rubbed my face eagerly, trying to drive away the clearer image in my mind.

Under the slowly stirring music, the video has been replayed a second time, and my sight was blocked by a glass of juice.

Lucien: It turns out that our well-informed big producers will also be defeated by this challenge.

I was speechless for a while, and turned my face up to Lucien, blinking and pursing my cheeks to quibble.

MC: This challenge video is really cunning, the character is different from the real person, and there is a lot of room for people to associate...

Lucien's gaze fell on me faintly, which made me unconsciously think of the other side of him again.

With a guilty conscience, I averted my eyes and squeezed the lemon slice in front of me.

MC: Well, I am willing to accept punishment!

The sour lemon scent exploded in my mouth. I frowned and covered my mouth, curling up my toes.

MC: It's... sour!

Lucien looked at my sour expression so that I couldn't speak clearly, and smiled for a while before putting the glass in my hand.

Lucien: Drink slowly, don't choke.

The taste of orange and mango dilutes the sourness. I put down the bottomed glass and took a long breath.

MC: I shouldn't be curious about Kiki's stuff...

Lucien: But a certain classmate was very happy just now, and she didn't blinked her eyes.

Lucien: Speaking of which, since it is the actor you have worked with, then I am very curious.....

Lucien: At the scene, are you taking that seriously too?

The implications of this question are self-evident.

I held Lucien's arm and leaned in front of him, looking into his eyes

MC: At the scene, I have to coordinate the shooting and control the progress. How can I look at someone so seriously?

MC: For Professor Lucien who is a program consultant, isn't it very clear?

MC: In fact, when I was watching the video, I smiled because I thought of you.

I talked more softly as I speak, while watching his expression.

Lucien: Well, I guessed it, because at the end of the broadcast, you looked up at me.

Guessed it? Thinking of Lucien's words and deeds just now, I blinked in a daze.

MC: That… but you still....

The person before me seemed to finally couldn't help but smile, and the corners of his lips pulled out a beautiful arc.

Lucien: I am just like you, only "a little bit concerned".

Lucien: Of course, I also want to see how you concerned about me.

Lucien's coquettish tone inadvertently made me want to coax him again.

MC: I always concerned about you.

With that said, I looked at him pretentiously.

MC: Hmm...I found that our Professor Lucien still looks the best, without any make up and filters!

Seeing my eyes brightly pleased, Lucien raised his index finger and tapped my forehead with his knuckles, looking helpless.

Lucien: Judging from the range of people you have contact with, such an evaluation seems too exaggerated.

MC: This is the truth.

Lucien: You....

MC: After all, "the beauty is in the eyes of the lover".

Lucien: For this point, I can feel the same.

He spoke bluntly and sincerely, as if he didn't feel embarrassing what he said at all.

I looked away unnaturally, trying to hide my blushing cheeks, and inadvertently saw the book on the table that I was holding upside down.

MC: Puff—it’s also a coincidence that I just read the phrase "beautiful in the eyes of a lover" in a book.

Lucien moved his gaze to the book in my hand and raised his eyebrows.

Lucien: "Business Management and Psychology"? This is mentioned in this book, which is a bit surprising.

Seeing that he was interested, I simply picked up the book and shared it with Lucien.

MC: Well, when I read about the "halo effect", a short example in the book mentioned "beauty in the eyes of a lover".

MC: In fact, people are not only easy to perceive the heart from the outside, but also generalize from the inner character traits to the appearance evaluation.

MC: Therefore, what we often say "beauty in the eyes of lovers" is also a manifestation of the halo effect.

Lucien: Using this example to explain the "halo effect" is indeed small and easy to understand.

Lucien: However, it is placed in the whole module of "The psychological effects that should be avoided in business management", which seems to be too rational.

MC: I don't know if I, with the blessing of "halo effect", can I let Professor Lucien challenge and fail?

Lucien smiled and picked up the glass and took a sip of juice.

Lucien: Do MC want to see how I eat lemons?

I looked at the piece of lemon on the mouth of his glass that had lost some moisture, and shook my head.

MC: No need, this slice of lemon is a bit dry.

MC: How about changing the penalty for failure to... before the end of the fall, how about taking time to accompany me on an autumn outing in the suburbs?

Lucien: Well, we really haven't been to the suburbs for a long time.

I turned around and hugged him with joy.

Lucien encircled me and stroked my hair which hanging behind my shoulders with his warm palms.

MC: What to do, this failure punishment is very tempting to me.

Lucien gave a low laugh, pressed against my chest and shook lightly.

Lucien: It's not difficult to make my heart beat faster. Perhaps, this challenger and referee can work hard.

MC: Hm...

The steady and powerful heartbeat hit my auricle, and I suddenly had an inspiration.

By the way.. Accelerated heartbeat is also a way of judging your heartbeat, right?

I lifted my head from his arms and blinked.

MC: I have a way to record the moments of Professor Lucien's heartbeat!

I took off the smart watch in my hand and pulled Lucien's hand.

The internal test of the watch strap also carried the body temperature, and it was tied to his well-defined wrist.

Lucien squinted his eyes, his lips lifted up with a helpless smile.

Lucien: I remember you said that you bought it to supervise your health management. Unexpectedly, entertainment functions could also be developed.

MC: Make the best use of it!

I entered the data on the app and nodded with satisfaction.

MC: I set up a function that sounds when the heart rate is exceeded.

MC: Now even if Professor Lucien controls his expression well, his heartbeat will be exposed.

Lucien: Miss referee is so strict, it seems I have to be careful.

MC: Of course, I have to be strict with a smart person like Professor Lucien. It’s not that easy to make your heart beat.

Lucien: Yes?

Lucien: But you obviously can do it all the time.

Lucien spoke naturally and even took a leisurely sip of juice.

His unsuspecting state seems to be suitable for "raid".

I moved inwardly, pretending to lean towards him inadvertently, and slowly stretched out my hand to touch the corner of his lips.

MC: There seems to be some juice here.

Lucien smiled and cooperated with me and lowered his head, letting my thumb slowly rub his clean lips.

Lucien: It seems to be stained a lot.

The warm breath brushed my fingertips, making a sultry itchy.

My heart was beating like a drum, and I raised my head and moved closer--

Suddenly the cell phone ringing abruptly, breaking the atmosphere at this moment.

I hurried not to show a hot face, grabbed the phone and handed it to him

MC: You, you answer the phone first!

Lucien chuckled and touched my hair naturally after answering the phone.

Lucien: Lectures... My schedule may affect other people's work arrangements, so I need to checked it again.

I turned my head and looked at Lucien's profile quietly. He responded to the phone as usual, with no trace of heartbeat.

Probably my eyes were too straightforward. When the phone was turned off, he looked at me, pursed his lips and raised his eyebrows.

Lucien: Isn't the juice cleaned yet?

I straightened the hair around my cheeks, trying to hide my red cheeks.

MC: No, I want to tell you... the challenge is success.

Seeing that he didn't say anything, I hurriedly changed the subject and asked him about the lecture.

MC: Is the time for new lecture invitations out of schedule?

Lucien: Well, the time of the lecture has collided with the shooting schedule of next weekend. I am about to ask for your suggestions.

I reviewed the shooting arrangements in my mind and got an idea.

MC: How about postponing that part of your shooting until next weekend? So you can go to the lecture!

Lucien: That...Thank you for the "black box operation" of the big producer. Please say my apologies to our colleagues in the program team.

MC: Okay, don't worry about this.

We tacitly stopped the topic of work and continued to enjoy the long time of the holiday.

Lucien leaned back on the sofa in a relaxed manner, the light golden spot flickering under his eyes, and he closed his eyes.

MC: You got up a bit early to make a breakfast, are you sleepy?

Lucien smiled and held my hand, and hooked his fingers like a baby.

Lucien: Maybe because it’s autumn, can you take a nap with me here?

I nodded lightly and leaned against his shoulder.

-

I don't know how long it took, but in a trance, I heard the rustle of leaves blowing in the wind.

I opened my eyes, and the shadow of the tree on the floor danced slightly, and there was nothing beside me, with only a blanket still covering my body.

The breeze blew the white gauze curtains, and there was still the breath of laziness after a nap in the air.

I stretched my waist and heard a small noise from the study, so I got up and walked towards it.

The door of the study was closed. When I opened the door, Lucien was sitting at the table, shrugging his shoulders and listening his mobile phone casually.

His hair is a little messy, and his legs are covered with a blanket. It looks like he just woke up.

But his eyes were serious about looking at the shorthand notebook in his hand, and he had clearly entered the working state.

The cap of the pen was bit between his teeth, and the rustle of writing sounded intermittently, making the room more quiet.

He recorded something enthusiastically, occasionally answering the person on the other end of the receiver briefly.

Lucien: Mm-hm.

Maybe a new proposition is brewing at the tip of his pen, maybe he is calculating one of the thousands of possibilities.

The bright sunshine poured in through the floor-to-ceiling windows and enveloped him in warmth.

Lucien looked up and saw me, took the pen cap in his mouth and the phone on his shoulder, and gently covered the microphone with his wrist.

Lucien: It will be over soon.

I walked over lightly, and got into his arms in his somewhat surprised eyes.

The surprise in his eyes was replaced by a gradually widening smile, and he held a shorthand notebook around me.

I rested on Lucien's shoulders, his collarbone was exposed and he looked extremely white in the sun.

As if bewitched by some sort, I lowered my head and dropped a kiss on the delicate skin.

Suddenly, the smart watch beeps twice.

My cheeks warmed a little, and I wanted to get up helplessly, but the shackles on my waist didn't mean to loosen the slightest.

The person on the other end of the phone finished the report and was saying goodbye to Lucien.

Lucien: Let's do this first, thanks for your hard work.

Lucien hung up the phone, put the shorthand notebook full of calculations aside, and took off his watch by the way.

MC: Am I interrupting your work?

I looked up and saw a warm light and a particularly soft smile in his eyes.

Lucien: I think strictly speaking, work interrupts us.

I glanced at many places on the shorthand notebook with question marks and blinked at him.

MC: There are many remaining issues, no need to deal with it?

Lucien: It doesn't matter, it's too late to wait until the working day. Now I have more important things to deal with.

MC: Is there anything more important than research?

Lucien: Of course there is.

Lucien: I just thought that usually challenge games should have rewards as opposed to punishments, right?

MC: Um... we did not discuss the rewards

Lucien: But when you hugged me just now, I thought of what kind of reward I wanted.

The pupils of Lucien's eyes glowed brightly when he looked at me, and soft ripples fainted under his eyes.

Lucien: Next weekend, I don’t want to miss the time I spent with you like today.

Lucien: So... can I be greedy and let you accompany me on business trips?

Lucien: As compensation, maybe we can realize your autumn outing plan together in a farther place.

--

[jawabear]

1 of 10 (Bucky Barnes x Reader)

Not my GIF (look at this man...)

A/N: so here’s that Bucky fic I’ve been talking about. This took me too long to write but I like it? I’m absolutely loving Falcon and The Winter Soldier! I’ve mentioned this before but Bucky Barnes is my all time favourite fictional character. This is set before the events of episode one but maybe like a week or so before. I hope you enjoy. Sorry for any mistakes. Stay safe.

Genre: fluff, angst

Warnings: fem!reader, tfatws spoilers, Bucky being awkward, nightmares, therapy, Bucky isn’t as smooth as he was in the 40s but he’s still cute

Summary: Bucky has ten contacts in his phone. One of which belongs the the girl he feels he has been searching for for 106 long years.

The times in which he found himself now were more than confusing. But that was the best way Bucky could think to describe them. For him though it seemed a lot worse than for others. For others, they had a gap of five years missing. For Bucky, he had far more than that.

From 1943 to 2023 there was a lot missing. He remembered it however. He remembered everything. The good, the bad, and the horrifying. What was meant by missing was that it wasn’t him who was living. He had missed out on living between those years. He had missed out on everything. And he knew, like the billions of others, he would never get those years back.

But now he was a civilian. Working to make amends from his past after being given a pardon. However, settling into his new easy life was proving far from that. It had been a few months now since the whole ordeal with saving the blipped half of humanity, Bucky included, and it had been a few months now since Steve went back in time and started a new life leaving him and Sam behind.

Sam. Right.

Sam was an avenger. More so than Bucky could ever be. So he was off doing his avenging work while Steve’s shield gathered dust in a wardrobe somewhere he was sure. Sam didn’t have it in him to take up the mantle of Captain America. He felt the shield belonged to someone else. It was Steve’s. It only ever could be.

More often than perhaps Bucky would like, he would get texts from Sam. Asking him how he was and telling him about missions he was going on. Bucky never replied. He didn’t know how to half the time and he didn’t want to.

He didn’t know how he was. He didn’t know if he was okay. He was forced to go see a therapist but all he did was lie to her.

“Have you had any nightmares recently?” She would ask him.

Bucky would think back to the night before their meeting and all the others as well. Each night he’d have to be faced with the horrors of his past. Every mission he carried out. Every person he carelessly killed.

“No” he would answer. And it wasn’t like he was wrong in his answer. The things he saw in his sleep were not nightmares they were memories. The nightmarish horrors he was were his reality, so when he said no in response to her question, he found it difficult to be accused of lying.

There were few things he could agree with her about. But the one thing he could see eye to eye with her about was the fact he was alone.

Sure, he had Sam. But only when Bucky wanted to acknowledge him which had not been often as of recently. And as his therapist so kindly pointed out he only had ten contacts on his phone. But in his defence, he still wasn’t used to the whole world of mobile communications and internet. So his phone was basically redundant to him. His mind was still in the 1940s where you’d find a date, what would now be classed as, the old fashioned way. By looking in person and talking. Not just texting or swiping left or right on an app.

Granted, Bucky did try his hand in online dating but it was far too much for him. It wasn’t only hard for him to figure out but also he saw too much of people he didn’t even know. The openness of the internet was something that was mind boggling to him. So that was thrown out of the window pretty quickly.

But what his therapist had failed to note was one name in his contacts. The name of his neighbour and quite possibly the one he wanted to end his loneliness with.

Back in his time, when he didn’t just have the looks of someone in their 20s, Bucky was in fact quite popular and good with the ladies. But the ladies, he found, of this new age were completely different to the ones of his time. Not that there was a problem, he just knew that he couldn’t used the same moves now as what he could back then.

He met (Y/N), his neighbour, as he was first moving in. After coming back, loosing Steve and getting a pardon, Bucky thought it be best to try and start a new. He did that by moving back to his old home of Brooklyn. His old apartment was obviously gone and with little money to his name he couldn’t afford the one that replaced it. It was far to big for him anyway. But he managed to find a smaller more affordable one and he much preferred it. If not only for the quieter location then the others in the building too.

(Y/N) was the first person he spoke too when back in Brooklyn. She was sweet and kind when introducing herself. She offered to help him move in but he really didn’t have that much stuff to use in making his new apartment more homely. And he had no food either. So (Y/N) did the neighbourly thing and invited him in for some food. A meal of sorts although she didn’t have much food either at the time. Even so, it was nice for him to be in company for once. And it was such warm company. They didn’t speak about much but he learnt a few things about her.

And now, on most Thursday evenings, he’ll find himself with her in her apartment eating a meal, sometimes she’ll cook, sometimes they’ll order take out, but he enjoys it regardless.

It was clear from the offset that she knew who he was. He frantically explained to her that he wasn’t what he used to be anymore and explained the terms of his pardon and how he’s making amends. But he needn’t have waste his breath on it. She didn’t seem to care about it. About who he used to be. She told him that she doesn’t live in peoples pasts and that she wanted to get to know him for who he is, not who he was. Those words meant a great deal to him. And from that moment on he had fallen for her.

Bucky sighed as he dragged himself up the stairs to his floor. He desperately wished there was some way of getting out of these therapy sessions. But he was tied to them. He couldn’t stop going to them even though he wanted too. But there, it wasn’t really like he had anything better to do. Nothing but either sitting at home in silence or walking around busy streets constantly looking over his shoulder. Those were his only other options.

As he walked to his apparent at the end of the hallway (Y/N)’s door opened and she walked out dressed for the outdoors, it was getting cold so it was smart of her to be wearing a warm coat. “(Y/N)” he called gently to her. She lifted her head after locking her door and gave him a warm smile.

“Hi James” She said, she always called him James rather than Bucky. He didn’t know why but he didn’t exactly mind. “How was your session today?” She had memorised the times at which he went to his therapy sessions. She probably knew he schedule better than he did.

Bucky shrugged “the usual” he told her making her laugh a little.

“That bad huh?”

“I guess” he said scratching the back of his neck.

“Well, I’m heading to the store to get some food if you wanted to talk on the way? Don’t feel you have to”

“No, that sounds good” he tried to smile but it was a little awkward, but she didn’t seem to say anything and just motioned her head for him to follow.

The shop wasn’t too far away so it was a quick walk. Bucky wasn’t the talkative type, not really anyway. Especially not to someone he didn’t like. And Dr Raynor was someone who he didn’t like. He was sure that deep down she was a lovely person but he didn’t like the fact she was insistent in getting him to admit his feelings. Although that was her job.

It wasn’t long until they arrived at the store “so what happened?” (Y/N) asked as she picked up a basket.

“Just the usual...she asked me if I had a nightmare-“

“Did you?” Bucky didn’t answer and just looked away from her. “James, you know that it’s her job to help you. And it’s in your best interest to let her”

“I know...but at the same time...I don’t see the point. These things are mandatory. So if I don’t want to go then I don’t see it being helpful”

“I can understand that” her eyes flicking between two boxes of cereal as she inwardly decried in which one to get, but her indecisive nature got the better of her so she opted to get both. Her indecisiveness, Bucky thought, was incredibly cute. It linked in with her kindness, on their Thursday evening meals together it takes ages just to decide what to have. “But still,” she continued, Bucky following her like a lost puppy “like you said, it’s mandatory. And there are people who would love to be in your position. Getting therapy I mean. So you should at least make the most of it while you can”

“I mean...yeah. I guess. But...I don’t know I just...well it’s easier to talk to someone like you then it is to talk to her” (Y/N) smiled at little at this as she finished putting on the last few items before making her way to the till.

Neither of them said much else. Expect for (Y/N) making light conversation with the cashier as she paid although both (Y/N) and Bucky knew that the cashier really didn’t want to be there. Luckily it didn’t take long for (Y/N) to bag her items and pay for them before they were both leaving the store.

It had gotten colder outside then when they left originally. (Y/N) shivered and pulled her coat around her a little more before they both began walking back to their apartment building.

“So what is it about me that makes you find it easier to talk?” She asked, she brushed her hair from her face as a sudden gust of wind blew it out of place when she turned to look at him.

“Well...” he muttered shoving his hands into his pockets “for one, you don’t sit there with a passive aggressive notebook ready to write shit about me” this made her laugh a little, she always found it funny when he’d talk about this notebook Dr Raynor had. She didn’t really know why he hated it so much, and she knew she shouldn’t have found it funny but he never stopped her from laughing about it, in fact often times he would join in thereby encouraging her.

“Yes, that is something better I guess. Although, I’m sure I could find a notebook if you wanted” she teased.

“Oh god. Please don’t” He said holding back a smile.

“Anything else?” She asked him.

Bucky thought for a moment. There were many things about her that made it easier for him to talk to her, but he couldn’t list them all. For one, that would be embarrassing, and two he didn’t think he’d have the breath to do it. “Well-“

He was cut off when he saw (Y/N)’s smile fall and her pace began to slow right down to a stop. Bucky stopped and looked at her “everything okay?” He asked her, his voice full of concern.

She turned sharply to the side so she was facing the road “y-yeah..” she stuttered nervously “just...my ex is walking this way and I really don’t want him to see me”

Bucky felt a strange feeling inside him. He didn’t even know she had been in a relationship. It must’ve been a recent thing right? Unless it was a really bad break up in the past, or this guy had done something to her to prompt her being so on edge. Bucky turned to try and scope out this guy but he didn’t have a clue what he was looking for. So he reached over to her and pulled up her hood on her hoodie that she wore under her coat and pulled her into his side so that her face was hidden from view.

“Tell me when he’s gone” Bucky muttered to her. She nodded her head and let him walk her along the path, she kept her eye on the path ahead as best she could while still covering her face. But she was now more focused on two things, his arm around her and his wonderful smell. Never did she think she’d ever get this close to him. She never thought he’d let her, but here she was attached to his side with his arm wrapped around her, holding her protectively against him.

And his smell. It was just as comforting as she dreamed it would be. A mix of his cologne and what she could only describe as Him. All she wanted to do now was to just melt into his strong and warm embrace and just stay there forever.

In all her daydreaming she didn’t notice that her ex had long since walked by and they had reached the entrance to their apartment building and she didn’t tell him he could let go or that it was safe for her to walk properly.

Bucky came to a stop and slowly slipped his arm from her “I mean...I take it he’s gone now right?” He said a little nervously. (Y/N) stood up straight and pushed the hood from her head and nodded quickly, her cheeks burning in embarrassment.

“Yeah. Yes, right. Sorry. Yes. He’s gone. I um...I just wanted to make sure he didn’t suddenly turn around you know? That’s all” she said in an unconvincing tone. But Bucky himself was too flustered to actually care that she was flustered as well.

“Of course, that’s smart. Well we made it back” he said stepping up to the door and pushing it open for her. She nodded and thank you and quickly hopped inside the building, Bucky following after her.

The walk up the stairs was an awkward silence. They felt like teenagers after their first ever date. Who says something first? What do they even say? Luckily for them, this wasn’t a first date, and they weren’t teenagers. They were fully grown, mature adults. But that doesn’t mean adults can’t get flustered in the presence of their crush...right?

After what felt like hours, but was more like five painstaking minuets, they finally got to their floor and walked down the hall, both briefly forgetting that they lived right next to each other.

(Y/N) stopped at her door and placed her bag of food on the floor to fish out her keys from her pocket. “Uh...you want to come in?” She asked whilst fiddling around in her pocket to find the keys. “I know it’s not Thursday but we didn’t really talk as much as usual...” her voice seemed to trail off as she finally found her keys and put them in the key hole before unlocking the door. “You don’t have too..”

“I’d...like to...” he said in a soft voice with a gentle smile to try and put her at ease even though he too was freaking out inside. She smiled back and picked up her bag before walking inside her apartment, he did too.

They both made their way into her small kitchen and he made himself at home by sitting in his usual seat at her white kitchen table and she began to unpack the shopping “Do you want me to help?” He asked her as he went to stand up but she waved off his offer.

“No no, it’s fine. There’s only a few bits anyway” she told him as she began to pack each item away in its rightful place.

“So uh...” Bucky began quietly as he scraped his metal finger again the wood table. “This ex of yours...what’s the story there?”

Bucky was a little cautious of his words. He didn’t want to say anything to hurt or offend her but at the same time he wanted to know what about the guy made her so on edge earlier.

“Oh uh...” she muttered as she pulled two cups from her cupboard.

“You don’t need to tell me if you want want to. Sorry..”

“It’s fine” she assured him “nothing really happened I guess. It was just a bad break up. He didn’t really take it well and for a few weeks after that he just kept texting me and trying to call me. He came round to my place too to try and get me back. He never did know how to take no for an answer. But about a month ago he finally got the message and stopped all contact with me. Seeing him today...I was just worried that he’d try it all again”

“He sounds like a real asshole” Bucky said flatly making her laugh a little as she went about making some tea for the both of them. “But in his defence, if I lost a girl like you, I’d struggle with taking no for an answer as well”

(Y/N) let out a nervous laugh and almost dropped his tea cup from the shock of his comment but she was a little more used to his flirtatious nature that would sometimes make an appearance when they were in her apartment. After he told her about his boyish charms back in the 40s she noticed how he would often slip back into that era. It was cute to say the least.

She set down his tea in front of him and he flashed her a “thank you” smile before wrapping his fingers around it.

There was a brief silence in the room. She was greatly over thinking is earlier comment. But so was he. Maybe he shouldn’t have said it. He meant it though. But what if he had pushed the limit a little too far?

“What was the other reason?” She asked him, her finger nail scratching again the tea cup trying to avoid eye contact with him at all costs.

“Huh?” He questioned looking over the table to her.

“Earlier. You were going to give me another reason why I’m easier to talk to. What was it?”

Bucky’s muscles tensed as his fingers gripped the tea cup handle as he stared into the black tea she had made for him. “If I’m being honest...” he began slowly “I think...there are too many reasons why I find talking to you easier. But I guess one is that you don’t do it because you have to or it’s your job to. You do it out of kindness. And it’s...easier to talk to someone who’s listening because they want to. And yes, I get that Dr Raynor probably does want to help me but I also know that at the end of the day, it’s all for a pay check. But with you...you do it because you want to. Or at least...I think you want to”

“I do want to, James. I’ll always be around to ask if you’re okay. And to make you okay when you’re not. I care about you...”

“And...I care about you. Another reason I prefer talking to you is because...I like you...a lot. I just think you’re the most beautiful woman, and you have such a sweet and caring nature and a good heart that is wasted on me. But I can’t help but like you...” he couldn’t really believe he just said what he did. He wasn’t mean to tell her that. It was meant to stay a secret within him into the end of time. But there was a shift in atmosphere that just made it all slip out.

“You...you like me?” She asked, still not looking at him.

“Yeah...” he said. There was a little more confidence in his voice as he admitted his feelings towards her.

“I like you too..” she too held a little more confidence in her voice as she admitted her returned feelings. It felt...good. Especially since she knew he returned the feelings she had harboured for him since they met.

She stood abruptly and held her hand out to him. He looked at it and looked up at her again before taking her hand. She pulled him to his feet and a little close to her.

He smirked a little as he looked down at her “you want me to kiss you or something?” He said almost proudly.

“Yes..” she said “but first...I want to know something”

“What do you want to know?” He asked her. She squeezed his hand and dragged him out of her kitchen.

She lead him to her bedroom and noticed the worried expression on his face when he looked at her bed. This was what she wanted to know.

“You don’t have a bed in your apartment...” She told him quietly. (Y/N) turned her body so she was facing him completely, he cautiously lifted his hands to settle on her waist.

“I know...” he mumbled.

“Why?”

Bucky paused but he felt safe enough to give her an honest answer “I...I’m...scared. Of them”

“What is it about a bed that scares you?” She whispered, her fingers gently trailing down his cheeks. Bucky didn’t answer right away, for one he was to busy focusing of the beautiful touch of her hands, and for another, he didn’t really know the answer to her question. But he could take a guess.

“Because I...I don’t think I’ve slept in one since 1943. And I...after everything I’ve done...I don’t deserve to lie in such luxury...” his voice was quiet and barely audible, had it not been for the close proximity they were in, she probably wouldn’t have heard him.

“James...” she laid her forehead against his and he instinctively griped her waist a little tighter. The comfort and warmth she was bringing him was something he didn’t want to loose. She was someone he didn’t want to loose. He felt safer with no one but her. For once he actually felt...okay. But he felt he was holding her too tightly, but if he was she was wasn’t willing to tell him that.

“You know that you have no reason to be afraid. You are changing. You are becoming a good man. You do deserve to live in luxury, even if that starts with sleeping in a proper bed. Maybe it is scary for you...but...if you’ll allow me, I’ll help you face it”

“Please...” he whispered with a nod before pressing his lips to hers.

05/04/21

Taglist: @lunaserenade @phoenixhalliwell @slytherin4ever

[ethernetchord]

lets talk: popular iwwv criticism

(disclaimer: i know criticism is subjective and thats why im doing this, i wanna look at some common points made against iwwv and dissect them just a little bit in the opposite direction. also none of this is directed at any individual- it’s all based on the general talking points i’ve seen surrounding the book.)

SPOILER WARNING !!

lack of exploration into james and oliver (+ gay characters feel performative)

i’ve seen loads of people say that oliver and james’ relationship felt very performative, a way of including the queer romnce which clearly is very important to the plot but not actually giving it any space in the novel, nor developing it to the same extent which meredith/oliver was.

oliver and meredith had a very strictly physical relationship and while he did love her, he wasn’t in love with her the way he was with james. the juxtaposition in the way that oliver/james is delivered and the way meredith/oliver is delivered is, i believe, far too repetitive to not be intentional. i actually realised upon re-reading how much focus there really is on meredith’s sexuality, even in subtleties in the book. meredith and oliver get more blatant sex scenes, get more physical parts because oliver was (to an extent) using his attraction to meredith to distract himself from his infatuation with james.

we also have to remember that oliver and james didn’t get their real moment of honesty about their relationship till extremely late into the book. i’d honestly see it as more ‘performative’ to then after or in the middle of kind lear throwing in some wild sex scene between the two. it wouldn't have fit.

“why didn’t james and oliver get together earlier then >:(((“ because the slow burn between them, the subtext, the subtle-ness, the yearning, they were all crucial to the decision which oliver made at the end. the fact that they burned so bright for each other but (oliver particularly) were so desperately repressed, that was what made this such a tragic romance. yes its tiring to read stories about queer people being repressed, yes its tiring to see the bury your gays trope. but like oliver says, it goes beyond gender.

if oliver’s second love interest was a girl, and treated this way, we’d be a lot more on board with these tropes- but the fact that james is a man, and this therefor becomes a queer relationship, makes it feel performative. i can’t convince you of anything- but i like to believe that their relationship being treated like this not only makes it so much more “heart wrenching because why! why couldn’t it work out, why couldn’t it be better!” - not because its a queer relationship but because they were soulmates.

alexander wasn’t performative. not in the slightest, rio just didn’t make being gay his entire identity. same goes for colin. just because they’re queer doesn’t mean it needs to be the only thing about them. this isn’t a lgbt novel- characters dont have to be gay just for plot. they can just be gay.

i’ve also seen people complain about not just making oliver bisexual. guys. did you read the book? he was bisexual. he was emotionally and physically attracted to both meredith and james. guys that’s literally what bisexual means.

i'm totally on board with the coming out scenes! and realisation of feelings and all that stuff- but again, not an lgbt centric novel and also- these were things oliver probably did and realised far before this book. remember that its set in 4th year, at an art school. he knew he was fruity ok. not every queer character in every queer book have to have these grandious coming out scenes or realisations. the lack there of doesn’t equal performance.

the ending was rushed and bad

believe what you will, but i don’t think james is dead. there’s a little too much ambiguity in that ending, in the extract he leaves oliver, in the “his body was never found.” so if your main quarrel with the ending is that “bury your gays” situation- please know there’s a chance- and that giving it that chance opens up so much more discussion and reader response.

yes, the ending is sad. but it’s not rushed. “but that is how a tragedy like ours or king lears breaks your heart- by making you believe the ending might still be happy until the very last second.” doing king lear, doing macbeth, doing romeo and juliet, the plays are chosen not only for reader convenience (they’re plays readers will most likely be familiar with) but also because they all, so very deeply, foreshadow a “bad” ending. killing james, makes sense. as much as people don’t want to hear it, from an authorial perspective- from the reader’s perspective and as a human being it makes sense. why do keep arguing that he “should’ve stayed alive for oliver” or that “if he really loved oliver he wouldn’t have done it” - why are we limiting a character’s entire existence down to their love interest. yes, they were best friends, yes they were set up as lovers but that doesn’t mean that that would be enough to keep james around. james was a fragile character- he was always checking with oliver if he had upset him, he was always worried, overthinking, james wasn’t strong minded- and he was suffering. the only person he had left to depend on was in prison, he was plagued with the guilt of causing the death of a classmate and letting oliver take the blame, if he did kill himself, it sure as hell doesn’t have any reason to sound forced.

“its not nearly as good as the secret history!!!!”

to be honest here buds, why the fuck do we keep comparing them so insistently. they are not the same book. iwwv wasn’t trying to be tsh 2.0, yes there are similarities because hey! guess what! books in similar genres tend to do that! always comparing it tsh when they have different motives, different plots and vastly different execution makes no sense. the only reason that they are compared is because tumblrtm dark academics like to group the two together. and yea- makes sense, but stop trying to belittle iwwv because it isn't as grandiose as tsh, because it’s a little more literal, because it’s not as intertextual as tsh. half the people saying iwwv isn’t as good as tsh are practically just subtly going “shakespeare isn’t as complicated as ancient greek huehue” stop forcing the two together and let them be separately appreciated.

the characters were flat/archetypes/etc

sigh. okay.

these characters are actors. this book shows us their transition from themselves entirely into a conjunction of the roles they’ve played and the stereotypes they’ve portrayed.

“we were so easily manipulated - confusion made a masterpiece of us.”

“for us, everything was a performance”

“imagine having all your own thoughts and feelings tangled up with all the thoughts and feelings of a whole other person. it can be hard, sometimes, to sort out which is which.”

“far too many times i had asked myself whether art was imitating life or if it was the other way around”

“it’s easier now to be romeo, or macbeth, or brutus, or edmund. someone else.”

are you seeing it now? this focus on their archetypes, this focus on the character they are; the way they see themselves not merely as human but as a walking concoction of every character they have turned into and out of. they depend on their archetypes to give them meaning. rio uses these archetypes to remind us of the submersion of her characters. they weren’t flat, their intentional lack of dimension due to their pasts is what makes them so intricate. furthermore, there's an evident subversion- the tyrant becomes a victim, the hero becomes a villain (they all become villains really), the ingenue becomes corrupted. like mentioned before, i think we forget ourselves easily reading this book but there is a great deal of emphasis on this being their last year- which is so important. the damage has been done and a lot of the issues people have with the content (or lack thereof) in this book has to do with the fact that it’s all things that would have occurred in books focusing on previous years at delletcher.

“it didn't live up to expectation” (also leading on from read tsh to this and being ‘disappointed’)

i cant argue this because its entirely subjective. whatever expectation was created for you, i cannot know that and appropriately respond however- if you liked the secret history and understood the secret history then there's a good chance you also liked and understood this book- even if not to the same extent but you must be able to recognize the authorial approach and its significance. i think a lot of ppl read iwwv (and a lot of “dark academia” texts and films) and hope to be able to romanticize the aesthetic or the concepts and then are disappointed when they are presented with mildly unlikeable and overwhelmingly human characters who aren’t easy to romanticize.

a great majority of these books are criticisms of the very culture you’re trying to romanticize, and the only time you’re willing to admit that is when boasting about the ‘self-awareness’ of the people indulging in them, and then a moment later complain about those same qualities because they don’t serve this idealized expectation.

bad rep for arts/liberal arts/ humanities students as being pretentious/cultish

as a humanities student with a great love for eng lit- all of these things are indeed pretentious and cultish. not all the time and not always and not every person- but it is a common theme. academia is overwhelmingly obsessive and extremely white-washed. people become so fast to believe that they are indulging in finer arts and are therefore a higher standard of person. academia is problematic. and the recent influx of people interested in it is good, very good because hopefully, we’ll be more diverse, more open-minded, more accepting. that's what i hope at least. if you know, as an individual, that you’re not a pretentious academic who places themselves above non-academics then that's wonderful- but there are dangers and negative sides to academia that need to be understood so that we can see to not perpetuating them.

i cant refute all points, mostly because there's a lot of good and well-explained criticism because no book is perfect. and my intentions are not to belittle anyone's opinion. these are merely opposing arguments, food for thought and to be fair- a critical look into why not everything is always going to be what we expect of it and why every ‘problem’ can be assessed.

[reidgraygubler]

sunflowers, daisies, lilacs, dahlias (spencer reid/reader)

Title: sunflowers, daisies, lilacs, dahlias

Requested: yes, was a request someone sent to @imagining-in-the-margins​, but I took it of her hands :) (So i get this is sorta hard to do but i was wondering if you could write a spencer x nonbinary (gender-neutral pronouns) reader where reader isn’t out to the team yet but spencer finds out somehow and the reader is afraid he’ll reject them but instead he confesses his feelings and just starts info dumping about third genders in other cultures and the roots of binary america, etc. just like fluffy and accepting. once again, i get it if you don’t want to/can’t but that would be awesome)

Couple: spencer reid/non-binary!reader (they/them pronouns)

Category: fluff

Content Warning: swearing (if any), misgendering, usual criminal minds case work stuff, bi!spencer, lgbt+ history lesson, platonic cuddling (or is it?), kissing (not platonic), Doctor Who season 12 spoilers (weird, I know), afab!reader

Word Count: 4,110

Summary: reader comes out as non-binary to their best friend, Spencer, after they notice he changes the pronouns he uses to talk about them and after the team misgenders them.

A/N: pom (aka @imagining-in-the-margins​) posted this in her discord and said if someone had any ideas for this, we could have it. and i loved the request so i took it off her hands. im also non-binary and only out to a few friends, so this piece is dear to my heart. also, i wrote reader as afab, since that’s also me, but also the request says that reader isn’t out to the team yet, and i had to give reader a gender. so im sorry about that. that’s where the mis-gendering comes in. spencer’s nickname for reader is bumblebee when they’re friends, but once they start dating it’s honeybee… bc reader is…  enbee… thank you all so much for the support! i really do appreciate it. check out my masterlist!

{***}{***}{***}

It was a new day at work. A new day, a new me… Kinda, not really. It’s still old me. I’m just trying to figure out the new me. I think that makes sense. It makes sense to me, so that’s all that matters, I think.

Maybe today was the day I came out to the team as Non-Binary. That’d probably help my feeling of garbage. Not even my own family knew about my little secret. So that’s been something I’ve seriously been thinking about, telling everyone that I was Non-binary and preferred they/them pronouns. 

I kept my head low as I stepped off the elevator and onto the floor of the BAU. The good news is, people weren’t rushing around like I was partly expecting them to be. The bad news is, when I got to my desk, there was a stack of files, waiting to be looked over. And the unfortunate part was, I wouldn’t get to get through half of them, because something told me there was a current case we had to go on. 

That something being Emily Prentiss standing outside her office, looking for everyone on the team. I looked up at her with a pout as she nodded towards the conference room. I looked back at the stack of files before grabbing my go bag and going up to the conference room.

Everyone was already there, waiting for me. Although, I was usually late, in a sensible fashion. So I quickly took my seat beside Spencer and remained quiet as Penelope and Emily told us about the case.

{***}{***}{***}

“We can go to the most recent victim’s house, interview the siblings,” Spencer spoke up as we both walked up to Emily. I looked up at him and nodded, silently agreeing that I could go with. It’s not like I had anything better to do anyways. Tara and Luke were at the newest crime scene. David and Matt were with the ME. And Emily was about to go interrogate the suspect. So, going with Spencer would give me something to do. 

“She’ll have to conduct the interview,” Emily looked up from the file she was reading and right at me. I looked down, away from anyone who was possibly looking at me. Getting mis-gendered was something I was used to, by now anyways. But, for some reason, this time it really bothered me. Emily doesn’t know, it’s fine. It’s mostly my fault anyways. And, I guess it bothered Spencer too, because the expression on his face shifted from normal to… annoyed.

“Of course, they can do the interview. They’re the most like the victim,” Spencer looked at Emily before looking back at me. I looked at him and smiled softly. It was more of a nervous smile than anything else. A change, and correction, in pronoun… I hadn’t exactly told anyone that I preferred different pronouns, I had honestly gotten used to the unfortunate misgendering.

“I can do it, I’m perfectly capable of it,” I smiled at Spencer then over at Emily. So much for a change.

“Then that’s settled, she’ll do it,” Emily looked up at Spencer and smiled before allowing us to leave. I dropped my shoulders as I glanced at Spencer, who was glaring daggers at Emily. He wasn’t usually one to glare at his superiors, especially Emily. 

“We should get going, don’t you think,” I whispered as I looked up at Spencer. He finally looked down at me and nodded. “And, you can do the interview, if you want. I get that I’m a lot like the victim’s sister. But, you do interviews better than me,” I laughed and shook my head. 

“We can do it together. That’s the only way you can get better at interviewing,” he returned the laughter before following beside me. 

“That’s true,” I smiled at him. 

{***}{***}{***}

“I know we always do this, but thanks for letting me stay the night after hard cases,” I looked over at Spencer as he got in his car. I readjusted the grip on my bag as I looked away from Spencer.

“Of course, sleeping over at someone’s house after a case makes it easier to relax, especially after hard cases,” he looked over at me with a smile, “We can order Chinese food if you want,”  he added as he looked back at the road.  

“Yeah, I think I’d like that,” I nodded with a smile. Sometime between solving the last case, and the jet landing I gained the courage to bring up what happened before the interview. You know, the whole they/them thing… With Spencer. I still don’t know how he knew to change my pronouns. 

He was talking about something, it sounded like an episode of Doctor Who.  I sort of felt bad about that too, because I was hardly listening. I was one of the only few people who actually watched Doctor Who with him, and thoroughly enjoyed his commentary. 

“And then the Doctor, who, have I mentioned is a woman now, is in fact the Timeless Child. Did you know that?” He glanced at me as he went on. Again, I felt bad because I wasn’t totally paying attention. “Of course you knew that, we watched the episode together,” he continued to ramble about the episode.

“Spencer,” I spoke, my voice just loud enough for him to hear.

“Mhm, what?” he glanced over at me for a quick second. I looked at him, my mouth opening and closing a few times before actually saying what I was thinking. Which was...

“How did you know?” I asked, my voice a bit of a whisper. I was a little bit scared. How did he know? Sure, Spencer knows everything. But I’m not exactly… Out to the team, let alone Spencer. I don’t think I told him. 

“How did I know what, Bumblebee?” Spencer glanced over at me for a brief second. I sighed deeply as I looked over at him. 

“You used 'they'… When you and Emily were talking about me and the interrogation… You used 'they' and 'them' when you talked about me… How’d you know? I haven’t told anyone…” I whispered as I looked over at him. He stayed silent for a long time. I wasn’t too sure what he was thinking, but it made me very nervous. 

“I saw you at the library with a book about gender/sexuality history and science… And I saw you looking at a non-binary/gender non-conforming forum the other day. So, I connected the dots,” Spencer looked over at me as he pulled to a stop at the red light. I swallowed roughly as I looked at him. “I didn’t mean to off-”

“You didn’t offend me, Spence,” I whispered and shook my head before dropping my gaze from him. My fingers fiddled with the seatbelt across my lap. I could feel my heart going a million miles an hour, and no matter how hard I tried to calm it… nothing worked. “I just… I haven’t used the words out loud before… I’ve haven't told anyone… I mean, I’ve just figured it out myself,” I shrugged again. I glanced at him as he started going again. “I’ve always known I didn’t really identify as… Ya know… And I guess just recently I finally put a name to it,” I sighed as I pressed my head into the headrest. Spencer glanced at me, again. He was obviously trying to keep his eyes on the road, but he was very concerned about our conversation.

“You’ve never said it out loud? Or told anyone?” He asked, clarifying what I had just said. I swallowed roughly and nodded.

“Yeah, I just…” I stopped, letting my words trail off. My thoughts ran wild. If I just said that I was non-binary, it’d make my life easier, I’d be so much happier. So, why haven’t I just come out and said it? “So, say it now. It’s just me,” Spencer whispered as he looked over at me for the briefest second. My heart stopped with his words, and suddenly my mind was quiet. “No one else to hear."

“What?” I spoke, my voice a breathless whisper. I looked over at him and raised an eyebrow. 

“Only if you want to. I won’t force you to do anything you don’t want to do.” Spencer’s voice was soft as he spoke. I looked over at him, feeling my stomach do an anxious flip.

“What if it changes the way you think about me?” I asked, feeling my throat tighten up around the words. Out of all of the friends that I had, Spencer was the only one I didn’t want to lose. In a weird way, I felt like he understood me. Like we were both the outcasts of the team, for our different reasons. 

“Why would that change the way I think of you?” Spencer looked up at me and I shrugged. I stared at him, feeling my face twist up in confusion. Even his face had some confusion on it. 

“I don’t know. People usually…” My words trailed off again, not knowing what I was exactly wanting to say to him. “You’re not mad at me? Or hate me or anything…? Right…?” I asked, my voice wavering slightly in fear. Fear of what? I was scared he would resent me. It wouldn’t have been the first, or last, time someone resented me. So, why would I expect him to not resent me? 

“Why would I hate you? Because you’re finally more comfortable with yourself? Or want to be more comfortable with yourself?” Spencer looked at me as he furrowed his brows. I looked down at my lap and shrugged. “You still haven’t said it, but we’re talking about it like you did,” he pointed out. I dropped my shoulders as I looked over at him. 

“You really want me to say it,” I laughed dryly. Spencer smiled at me and shrugged.

“Only if you want to. Just think about how much better you’ll feel,” he offered. I looked down at my lap and sighed.

“Yeah, yeah, okay,” I looked back up at him and smiled, “I’m non-binary.” I could feel a certain weight get lifted off my shoulders as I looked at him. Spencer also had a genuine smile on his lips as he looked at me. Like, he also seemed happy with my words.

 “There’s nothing wrong with that, you know,” Spencer smiled at me as he pulled into the parking lot of his apartment building. I glanced at him before laughing. “I’m being serious,” he chuckled lightly.

“I sure hope there’s nothing wrong with that. You’re the one who encouraged me to say it!” I laughed as I unbuckled. Spencer returned the laughter before looking over at me.

“Then, why do you care what the team thinks?” Spencer asked as he searched for his apartment keys. “Their opinion shouldn’t matter. It’s your life,” he shrugged and looked up at me once he finally found his keys.  

“Everyone on the team is all my friends and all my family…” I whispered as I looked over at him, “I don’t know what everyone will think,” I knew he wanted me to say it out loud to the team, but I was avoiding it. It’s not that I’m not ready. I just don’t want him to think differently of me.

“When has anyone on the team thought bad of you, Bumblebee?” Spencer asked again before parking the car. I swallowed roughly and looked back down at my lap. Of course, when I actually cut my hair short the first time… I had gotten a horrible haircut and everyone commented on it. “No one’s going to think anything bad about you if you come out,” he reassured. I sighed deeply as I looked towards the ground.

“Yeah, but I don’t care about them Spencer,” I rolled my eyes. I rolled my eyes because even though I do care what the team thinks, I think I care more about what Spencer thinks about me. But, I didn’t want to tell him that.

“Then, why were you so worried about it,” Spencer looked over at me before getting out of the car. I stayed in the car for a moment, silent with my thoughts. He’s got a point though. Why was I so worried about it? Of course, the team was my family. I don’t think I could risk losing the team for being… well, me. Maybe Spencer was right. Who am I kidding? Spencer’s always right. About everything. Maybe I should just tell the team… I’d feel a lot better.

I stayed quiet as we walked into the apartment building. In fact, we were both silent. Which was a rarity in our friendship; one of us was always talking, and it was always Spencer. He always had something to say. I wondered what he was thinking about in that head of his. Until I didn’t have to wonder...

“Native American people have a third gender, generally called two-spirit, where the person takes on roles more or less attributed to the opposite sex or both sexes,” Spencer suddenly started an info dump. I didn’t have the heart to tell him that I read this exact thing in a book not too long ago. But, it meant so much to me that he wanted to tell me this.

“When europeans came along, they came with the strict gender binary rooted in Puritism, which put heavy emphasis on community and the importance of procreational (heterosexual) marriage within,” he paused to glance at me, probably to make sure I was still listening. And I was. There would be nothing to stop me from listening to him. 

 “Once the colonizers became a country after the american revolution, they wanted to get as far away from britain as possible. Part of this came with separating themselves from the effeminate man of Britain, whom they saw as feminine and dainty. As a result, they made the American Man, who is basically Teddy Roosevelt in that he is rugged, bold, strong, brutish, daring, and able to survive on the frontier and provide for his family,” he continued as he unlocked the door to his apartment. It was nice to be in a familiar place that felt like home, and felt safe.

“In comparison, the woman was supposed to be the American Housewife who stayed at home, cooked the meals, and raised the children. Thus, the American binary,” Spencer continued his info dump, clearly not knowing he was talking outloud. 

I just stared at Spencer with the utmost adoration in my eyes and face. A small smile grew on my lips as he continued to ramble and info dump about stuff I was newly introduced to. I don’t know why I didn’t tell him sooner, I’m sure he would have been a big help. “That’s very interesting, Spencer,” I smiled at him and cocked my head to my shoulder. Spencer looked at me, a slight panicked look in his eye. 

“I’m… I’m sorry, was I rambling?” He stopped talking and looked at me after a moment of him talking. I shook my head, silently telling him he wasn’t rambling, even though he totally was. At this point we had parted ways, but still held the conversation between rooms, and across his apartment, him being in the kitchen while I stayed in the living room.

“Anyways… I could continue going on about it all. How WW2 influenced the LGBT community and how Nuclear Families messed it all up too,” he spoke before stepping out of the kitchen and leading me to his bedroom. 

“I’m sorry, what?” I looked back at him with furrowed eyebrows. I was honestly surprised with that tiny tidbit of information. “Go on,” I raised a brow as I looked at him. I got comfortable on the bed while I waited for him.

“Yeah! The advent of urban areas provided the perfect place for sexuality and gender identity expression,” he continued talking as he stepped into the bathroom to change, and even continued while in the bathroom, “Many single people suddenly began moving from rural farms with family and religion to urban apartments on their own or with someone of the same identity/gender/sex,” he finally concluded before stepping out of the bathroom. I looked at him and cocked my head to my shoulder. I didn’t have anything to say after he rambled on, so we both stayed silent as we got comfortable in bed. 

“How do you know so much about gender identity and the LGBT community?” I asked, turning to face him more. Spencer looked at me with a nervous smile before looking out to the blanket spread out over us. 

“Oh, I, uh… I did a lot of research when I saw you in the library… And, after I saw you on the forum,” Spencer looked at me and nodded. I could sense that he was lying, and he knew that I could sense it. So, I raised an eyebrow.

“I’m sure this is the exact reason,” I smiled before shifting down the bed to get comfortable, “No other reason?” I looked up at him. 

“Nope, no other reason,” he looked down at his book before shaking his head. I could tell there was definitely something, and I could tell he wanted to tell me. But, I won’t force it out of him, just like how he didn’t force it out of me.

“Well, if you have something to tell me… I won’t force it outta you,” I looked over at him with a smile. Spencer glanced at me before grabbing for a book on his nightstand. I shifted down the bed and looked at my phone. “No one’s going to think anything bad about you,” I glanced at him again, repeating the exact things he said to me early in the evening. Spencer glared at me before looking back in his book.

“You’re the worst,” 

“You’re worse than me, Spence,” I laughed as I looked at my phone. I grinned as I browsed random social media. “It’s okay, I get it,” I shrugged before falling silent. 

“I suppose it’s only fair,” he spoke out loud after a moment of silence. I looked up at him, watching as he shifted in his seat. He closed his book before looking down at me, “I guess I’ve been in the same boat as you for a while… Not knowing what anyone would think if I came out, fearing that they’d hate me or judge me,”

“Spencer, you’re the most loved person on the team. No one would ever hate you or judge you,” I sat up before turning to look at him. Spencer looked up at me and nodded. I’m glad we could both agree on that. If anyone hated Spencer Reid, I can guarantee that they’d have a whole fleet of FBI agents on their ass. “You can trust me with anything, Spencer,” I whispered before reaching out for his hands. He looked down at where our hands sat before cocking his head to the side.

“I already trust you more than anyone on the team,” he smiled and chuckled with a nod, “I’ve never told anyone except for one person,” he whispered as he looked up at me.

“That’s okay,” I shrugged as I looked at him. 

“I’m bisexual,” he whispered, his eyes dropping away from my. I stared at him, taking a deep breath. A small smile tugged on the corner of my lips as a worried look grew on Spencer’s. 

“Was that so bad?” I whispered as I fell forward to give him a hug. Spencer laughed as he embraced me. “It felt good, didn’t it?” I backed away from him slightly. Spencer smiled and nodded.

“Like a weight off my shoulders,” he laughed as he looked back at me, “Thanks for that,”

“No, thank you, Spencer, I really needed you and your wonderful words of wisdom… I’ve been struggling with my sexuality a lot, ever since I was a teen really, and you just being there helped,” I smiled at him as I got comfortable in the bed. With that, we fell into a comfortable silence. Sleep wouldn’t find its way to us anytime soon. I think we were both still reeling on the adrenaline of the day. 

But then, I started thinking about our conversation in the car. When I had mentioned I was worried about him (or anyone else) thinking differently of me. I mean, that’s been a fear of mine for years. Someone can go from loving you to the ends of the earth to wanting to be on the furthest end of the earth just to be away from you. So, my fear was totally valid. I didn’t want to lose my friendship with Spencer, or anyone on the team.  

I quickly glanced at Spencer, noting that he was still quietly reading his book. He seemed at total peace with, well, everything. How did he do it? How did he get out of his head after a rough case, and after such a serious conversation? There were too many things I wanted to know, and too many questions I wanted to ask… Why not just ask them?

So, I did...

“Earlier, when you said me being non-binary wouldn’t change the way you think of me… How do…” I paused for a minute, trying to figure my next set of words. Because I could say something wrong, and it’d be the end of everything. “What do you think of me?” I looked up at him as I spoke. He smiled softly and nodded. It was probably a mistake, asking him what his thoughts were on me. I could only think of the worst. Well, I shouldn’t say the worst possible. Worst case scenario was that he was faking it all and he actually hated me. Well, don’t be too hard on yourself.  

“Well, you know,” Spencer shrugged as he shifted closer to me. I looked up at him before leaning away from him. 

“No, I don’t think I do know,” I stared at him, furrowing my eyebrows. He looked at me, dropping his book to his lap and slumping his shoulders slightly. 

“I love you… Okay? I love you whether you’re they/them, she/her, he/him, I don’t care, as long as you’re happy. If you’re happy, then I’m happy, because that’s all that matters to me. Your happiness,” he rambled for a minute. I just stared at him, feeling my shoulders relax as he spoke. My heart rate raised as he continued to talk about how he really felt about me, and I wished he said something sooner… “Hearing Emily misgendering you, and knowing what was going through your head… Sucked… It sucked watching! You deserve the best things…” He continued on, not caring that he was still rambling.

“Spencer,” I whispered, resting a hand on his shoulder to gain his attention. 

“And it’s ridiculous how long I’ve been in love with you too! I should have said something sooner but I didn’t! I don-”

“Spencer!” I shouted this time. It wasn’t an angry shout, though. No, the giggles in my voice and joyful smile on my lips told a different story. And that seemed to get his attention, considering he stopped talking and looked at me. His eyes scanned my face, landing on the joyous smile on my lips. 

“Yes?” He asked softly. I nearly fell into his body, and face, as I let my excitement get the better of me as I tried to kiss him. Spencer laughed as he lifted his hands to my shoulders to make sure I didn’t crash into him.

“I love you too,” I smiled as I looked up at his face. His eyes landed back on my face, his smile becoming soft as he looked at me. The expression his face held showed me that I was now his everything. And, it was a new feeling. I would never get used to a feeling so… grand. But, it was a feeling that I loved, and knew it’d be around for a long time. “What do you think the team will say?” I asked, looking at Spencer as he cupped my face in his hands. 

“About what, Honeybee?” he retorted, his voice a soft whisper. 

“About us, you and me being, well, you and me,” I tried to bite back my smile but failed when Spencer smiled back.

“Who cares what they think… I just care about you,” he smiled before pulling me back in for another kiss. 

“I think I like that answer." 

taglist: @itsmyblogandillreblogifiwantto​ , @thebluetint​